I've been a movie nut since I was a little kid... going to the movie theater with my brother (or many times just by myself) was something I did at least every other weekend from some of my earliest memories as a child in the Columbia theater watching Disney matinees until after high school. I'm one of the few people I know that can say that they can watch almost anything... and I'll probably find something in it likeable. I'm extremely easy to please when it comes to movies. Make me laugh, make me scared, make me root for someone or root against someone else, and chances are I will like the movie.

So after watching the Bat flick last night, I sat and tried to think of some movies I honestly didn't like...

For the sake of it, I'm going to leave out Police Academy Parts IV+ as well as Kevin Costner's "jewels of denial" Waterworld and The Postman... because those kind of go without saying. Also left out are movies like From Justin to Kelly that there's no way in a million Hells you could get me to watch.

Batman & Robin - Okay... Michael Keaton? Yes (even though he will always be Mr. Mom to me). Val Kilmer? No. George Clooney? HELL no.

Titanic - well, I honestly only made it maybe forty-five minutes into the movie before I just stopped watching it... It's pretty obvious why it did a billion at the box office... One simple reason... Continents full of teeneage girls making many multiples of trips to the theater... I thought it was complete shit... and considering how much money they wasted on it, a heaping pile of complete shit... written for morons (and teenage girls). I can't believe that James Cameron can even find work in Hollywood, honestly, yet it seems people - Hollywood execs, fans, etc. are lining up to fellate him for some unknown reason.

Pearl Harbor - okay... what the Hell? I think you missed the point, man. I hate when people make love stories out of a god-awful tragedy... I'm sure that somewhere down the road, a cheesy $200 million dollar 9/11 love story will pop up. But Pearl Harbor... the special effects are rather well done, but there were even spots in the action secquences where I was dumbfounded by the stupidity... and if all you can appreciate in a movie are the special effects... well, y'know.

I have never seen E.T. from start to finish in one viewing - it took four or five different times to get the whole movie in - I didn't think it particularly sucked, or anything - I just couldn't get into it.

You Got Served - Yeah, I saw it coming on TV, one day... Seeing how well it was thoroughly abused in the South Park episode "F'd in the A," I had to see if it would suck as much as I thought it would. Turns out, it sucked even more.

Battlefield Earth - as much as I wanted to like it... I ended up not.

Jaws 3D and Jaws: The Revenge - just sucked... end of discussion.

The Crow: City of Angels - I was a James O'Barr (the writer of the original comics) fan before the first movie ever came out... and I really loved the first one... I've never tasted poo before, but after I got done with City of Angels I wasn't so sure, anymore.

Lawnmower Man 2 - I have fond memories of the original... the sequel? Eh, not so much.

While were on the sequel path - Grease 2 & Caddyshack 2 sucked almost equally.

Rollerball (2002) - I can remember watching the old '70s one with my parents... in the '70s... and thinking it was the coolest thing I had ever seen besides Death Race 2000 and Star Wars... The 2002 remake thing... was horrible. Sorry, it just was. I wish I could have gotten my money and the hour and forty minutes I wasted back.

Armageddon - Okay... I really debated putting this movie in the list... because I really liked the actors... almost all of them, in fact (okay, Ben Affleck is irritating and really not all that great an actor (if someone were to get all uppity and say something wise like, "Do you think you could do as good?" Eh, probably. Give me half a mil and find out.) and Bruce Willis is only really "okay" to me - they've both done some good movies, though... that "good movie that it seems like no one saw" for Willis is easily The Color of Night) - and I honestly even liked some parts of the movie... but the story... well, like Steve Buscemi says - "A god damned Greek tragedy." Things go from bad to worse to even worse to "oh, shit how much more is going to go wrong?" to "Now you're totally yanking my chain and offending me" with how hokey it becomes at times. Okay, so I sorta liked a bad movie... but it was totally for the actors, not the actual story which, although it contained some good moments, sucked. Though I do have two words for the guys that did Armageddon - Deep Impact.

Independance Day - Nice effects, but sorry. I just thought it was a complete snooze.

Top Gun - Everyone seemed to love this movie. I thought it was pretty stupid... and that's when I was sixteen or whatever I was when the movie came out. After seeing it again in recent years, it also strikes me as very gay.

I liked Star Wars: The Phantom Menace... at first... but having had a few years to reflect on it all since, I think it was just the kid in me that had been waiting (no, dying) to see something/anything new with the Star Wars name on it... I openly despised Jar Jar Binks from the onset, however... apparently to the chagrin of a few of my die-hard Star Wars fan friends. They aren't any bigger a fan of the series than I am, or anything. I think we just look for different things in movies (for one thing, I can't stand stupid one-liners that screw up the flow of a movie and the latter Star Wars movies were full of them - well, the first two, anyway - comic relief is one thing, but stupidity is something entirely different). I like my movies a little darker. That's why The Empire Strikes Back is and always will be the best Star Wars movie, ever (yet of the original three, the one I've seen probably the least), and The Phantom Menace will always be the worst.

The Honeymooners - Okay, I'll admit I haven't seen this movie, yet... but taking something so golden like The Honeymooners and African-Americanizing it... is heresy. And I mean absolutely zero offense to any African-Americans, Africans, or even Americans... but give me a break. I'm sure there are some funny parts in it. I bet Mike Epps has some good moments... but it doesn't matter. I personally can't stand Cedric the Entertainer - I just don't think he's remotely funny (even though I kind of enjoyed his role in "Be Cool," recently) and there's no way in Hell I would buy him as Ralph Kramden for even a millisecond.

Considering the bajillions of movies I've seen in my life, that's a pretty short list (even counting the one movie I haven't even seen). Well, I'm sure there's plenty of sucky movies I'm missing, but I'll get to those when I remember them.

For the reord, to all the Hollywood execs that read my blog (c'mon, you know you're out there... in droves) - PLEASE STOP REMAKING OLD MOVIES and try coming up with an original idea for a change.

I saw Batman Begins last night. Fantastic... period.

I only had a couple "issues" with the movie, but they were overshadowed by everything else good about it... My big gripe is the same gripe I've had since they started making Batman movies - where is his gun? I mean, no, Batman doesn't carry a gun... anymore... but in the old Detective Comics way back when... when he first started out, he strapped a .45 to his waist. But, considering the particular story angle they went with for the movie, I can understand why he doesn't carry a gun. But still... I want my gun-totin' superhero, damnit.

I always knew that Christian Bale was gonna be one of those "star" things after I saw him in American Psycho. I also liked the movie Equilibrium with him quite a bit, too... well... I think I liked the premise of the movie (futuristic society, emotions are illegal) more than the actual movie, but still... Bale really gets into his roles. He pulled off a pretty good Bruce Wayne. (kinda sad to say that Adam West is only the third best Batman, now... behind Bale and Michael Keaton)

I think he's cool. I'd drink with the guy... as long as he didn't start talking about how Huey Lewis & the News were the seminal '80s music act... because then I would know that there's an axe or a chainsaw hidden somewhere - which would spook me.

I've been thinking about a couple things regarding Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith... Well, one big flaw-thing...
After watching it a few more times... I just have to wonder... Okay, Anakin Skywalker basically turns to the Dark Side for one sole reason - he is haunted by a dream where his wife dies for some mysterious reason... Chancellor Palpatine (a.k.a. "Darth Sidious," a.k.a. "the Emperor") says that the Dark Side can teach ways to save life that he couldn't learn being a Jedi. SO, Anakin pledges himself to the Dark Side - in order to save his wife's life. So, WHY, near the end of the movie, does he try to choke her to death? I'm sure many of the "hardcore" folks would try to say that he was already "too deep" or whatever into the Dark Side... If that is the case, then WHY (after he is turned into a burning stump in the fight with Obi-Wan and then transformed into the Darth Vader that we all know and love) is the first thing out of his mouth, "What about Padme? Is she all right?" If he was so immersed into the Dark Side, why would he give a shit? ... You see what I'm saying, here? He only joined the Dark Side to try to save his wife... then tried to kill her... then asked if she was okay... IT DOES NOT MAKE SENSE!!!

Two years ago this morning, my father passed away. He had a stroke on the night of May 25th (a few days after his 65th birthday) and several more strokes in the days that followed.

He was unconcious for many days... I was with him when he woke up for the first time... I had just put in a CD of his favorite music (the Four Freshmen) - as I turned around and the first notes of the CD played... he opened his eyes and looked right at me... It was a nice feeling, considering he had been unconcious for nearly a week previously...

He never regained the ability to speak before he passed away... I always wanted to ask him what happened that night he had his stroke... where it all "went wrong" for him... the last thing he remembered before it happened... all that stuff that only he could answer... but y'know... never had the chance to. It kinda pisses me off... go figure.

Um... Wow

So, I went to the midnight screening of the final Star Wars movie, last night... I had some really high hopes. I liked Episodes I & II... not loved... but liked, anyway... and I was so hoping that this movie would make up for all the "shortcomings" of the first two... and it made up for it, and then some.

It really was an incredibly well-done film. The opening battle was the best looking of any battle in any of the six movies. After the "crawl," you see a lone big-assed battleship thing... as it moves out of the way, a HUGE battle is taking place beneath it... I had a feeling I was gonna be happy with the film... well, "happy" is an operative word, here. The movie was actually incredibly tragic from start to finish... When it's clear that Anakin Skywalker has fallen victim to the Dark Side, it was very depressing... As he ignites his light saber to slaughter the Younglings, it was actually quite sad what had become of "the chosen one." The script managed to trim down a vast majority of the silly one-liners that intruded in on the earlier two movies... thank god.

One-liners aside, though, the script? Well, it was still pretty bad (like the other two prequels). There are three moments in the film where I laughed out loud at how cheesy what I was hearing was... one of those moments actually being the lone dialogue scene with the '70s-era Darth Vader. I really can't believe that people sat around watching the dailies for these scenes with the cheesy dialogue and said, "Yeah, that works..." There were a couple scenes with Obi-Wan that he probably needed to be... a little more animated... but he just kinda delivered his lines all cool and calm... maybe that's just how a Jedi is, or something (I know that, given the circumstances, I would have been extremely more "agitated" (to say the least) than Kenobi)... At the very end, Obi-Wan finally finds some passion for what's happening around him...

The action sequences do quite a bit to make up for the crappy dialogue. The light saber battles were incredibly good, all-around. So much (that we already knew) was tied up quite nicely... There was a moment, when the Rebel Blockade Runner (incidentally, piloted by the original Boba Fett, Jeremy Bulloch) appears onscreen (the first ship from any of the older trilogy to appear in the new movies)... and they move inside, to the very simple, very white interior and I was transported back in time, where I met Darth Vader for the very first time in 1977, three minutes into Episode IV. Considering how "technically beautiful" the latter three movies had become compared to their predecessors, to see that low-tech, plain white walkway, again... it was so cool. Everybody knew the story of how Darth Vader came to be. Finally seeing it on screen was amazing... amazingly depressing. I watched so many people walk out of the theater completely stunned at what they saw. So tragic... and so awesome.
My only complaint is the fact that the movie theater apparently lost the air-conditioning before the movie, making it extremely warm for myself and 159 other people... considering the volcanic terrain of the final battle between Skywalker and Obi-Wan, it was probably only fitting that we all feel the heat a little, as well...

It was great... finally. I am sad to see it over... or is it? Word has it there is a TV show in the works... which could be cool, or could really blow. If "Revenge of the Sith" is where the Star Wars legacy ends, it ended on a tremendous high-note of complete tragedy...

Dear George,
Please don't sue me. I'm just kinda goofy, sometimes.

Thanks,
Tony

Illustrator rules...

Don't Panic

Went and saw Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, tonight... friggin' brilliant. I watched a family (a man, wife and their fifteen year-old (looking) son) act all befuddled and get up and leave about thirty minutes into the movie... There were only about a dozen people in the theatre, total, and I'm honestly surprized that more people didn't leave... Well, basically, there were a few parents with their kids, and I'll bet a lot of money that the kids didn't get it (judging by the fact that a couple of them kept leaving to play video games)... and I'm willing to bet equal money that the parents probably didn't get it, either... I think there were a total of 4 people (two couples) that even knew what the movie was about before they got there... they "got it." The rest of the people there, I seriously doubt it. I think they brought their kids to see a space movie and left scratching their heads... I was actually a bit surprised that the movie even came to the area, considering the collective mentality of many of the citizens and the fact that the last book any of them read was probably a car manual... well, okay, that's not really fair to the cool people, here. but it's actually pretty safe to say that the vast majority of my friends in the area wouldn't like the movie, either.

Of course critics are going to pan the movie... that's because basically, they are big douches. Joel Siegel says, "Mos Def is a very talented actor, but aside from him, the cast virtually disappears into the scenery, and the scenery isn't very good. Fans will appreciate the film. But if anyone else wants to see it, visit me the next time you're in New York. I'll hit you with a shovel (a reference to what happens on one of the planets they visit). You'll save $10 and the feeling will be about the same." Hey, Joel - (you guessed it) you're a douche (and a pretty annoying one, at that).

My opinion is that you don't have to have read the book to be entertained by the movie... It might help, but it's definitely not necessary... All it really requires is a modicum of intelligence and a good sense of (British) humor.

Hats off to the entire cast... Sam Rockwell was particularly good as Zaphod Beeblebrox, president of the galaxy. I also thought Bill Nighy was good as Slartibartflast, as well... and Mos Def was great... well, like I said... the whole cast was well done... Two thumbs up! I'm already looking forward to the DVD.

RIP, Mitch

I was totally unaware that he passed away... It rocked me pretty hard... He was one of the funniest guys ever on the planet... I will miss him a lot.

911 Operator Goes Too Far?

Lori's two daughters, 12 and 13, were fighting... after the 12 year-old kicked a hole in a door, instead of ending the fight herself, Lori called 911. The Watauga, Texas 911 operator, Mike Forbess, after receiving the call said to Lori, "Okay, do you want us to come over and shoot her?" After the phone fell silent, Forbess told Lori he was just joking. Lori was not amused. She wanted Mr. Forbess fired.

Forbess apologized, saying, "I admit what I did. It was stupid, it was inexcusable and I'm sorry."

According to what I saw on the news earlier, he wasn't fired but he received a letter of repremand from the police chief.

I've done a couple stupid things in the past couple days...
I was supposed to put some stuff in the washer into the dryer so it would be ready for in the morning... I sat about twenty feet from the dryer for several hours last night and it never crossed my mind. I totally forgot about it. I guess it wasn't a catastrophic event, or anything, but I still felt bad about it.
Then, tonight after I took the biscuits out of the oven, I totally forgot to turn off the oven. That can be, y'know, kinda dangerous.
I've been having headaches rather frequently (again) and nosebleeds a little more frequent than before... well, I've had nosebleeds since I got mononucleosis back in high school... and they usually pick up a little in the colder months (due to gas heating and such) - seeing as the heat hasn't been on in a little while... Maybe I have a brain tumor, or something that is making me... more stupider.

"...eet's notta toomuh..."

Saturday afternoon was one of those times...
"Where were you/What were you doing when you found out that Pope John Paul II had passed away?" I was sitting in front of the television, hoping to watch some of the NASCAR Busch race in Bristol, Tennessee... I could have gone to both the Busch and Nextel Cup race, apparently, thanks to a free ticket from my friend Jarrod's sister-in-law, but I couldn't have gone, anyway... which kinda sucked... ANYHOW, the race got cancelled 'cause it was snowing... so I was watching a couple different movies... about 2:45, I flipped the channels... and I saw the news. I knew it was coming... everyone did... it didn't make the news any less sad, though.

Now, I don't consider myself "religious," anymore. When I was younger, I was very involved in the church, thanks to a really good friend and my grandfather. I didn't particularly agree with a lot of the things the Holy Father "decreed" or whatever during his time... but I understand what he was about... why he was there. He was there to try to bring some kind of hope to the hopeless, some kind of faith to the faithless... whatever he could do to try to fill some small part of the emptiness that is in so many of us.

The Pope did many things in his time, as well, that could be seen in an almost secular fashion... probably the most notable of which was aiding in the downfall of communism in his homeland of Poland, as well as pretty much everywhere else, too. Yeah, the Pope was a Pollock. I am a Pollock, as well, but I am not the Pope. heh

I sat there and watched the news... saw the people in St. Peter's Square. I was sad. I even nearly cried for a moment. I didn't have to agree with what he thought to know he was a good man. I'm not sure exactly why, but he always kinda reminded me a lot of my grandfather. Well, they were both extremely good men who worked very hard to a very old age to try to make people happy... and they seemed to take a lot of pleasure in doing so, even when they had lost their health.

Why do people think that we (the United States) faked the moon landings? It would seem that there are still a ton of conspiracy theorists that will come out and provide all of this "evidence" that the moon landings never happened... it's almost crazy. I mean, everything from "the flag shouldn't wave in a place with no wind" (yes, it should) to the pictures of the astronauts that are highly detailed and appear to have no shadows on the space suits (which apparently, many people have never heard that light will reflect off of things like the ground)... My favorite claim, and one that the conspiracy people seem to stick to like glue, is the "all shadows from a single light source should always be parallel." The simple truth is that shadows on earth, in sunlight (a "single light source"), converge and diverge all over the place thanks to the terrain (something that can also be found on the moon, y'know?). I would wager that one could simply walk out front of their home on any sunny day and see several examples of "non-parallel" shadows.
Basically, everything that has been put forth by a conspiracy theorist regarding the moon landings has been rebuffed, simply and effectively... I personally don't know much about "space radiation" and why it doesn't kill everything that ventures through the Van Allen Belt... I'm sure it has been put to rest by someone out there, though (probably by simply saying, "The Apollo astronauts weren't in the Van Allen Belt long enough to get a dose of radiation big enough to hurt them, much less kill them.").
If it was faked, don't you think that all the Cold War countries that were listening to everything we were doing all over the world at the time would have come forward and said, "Hey, they're faking it?"
I've never really come across any younger conspiracy theorists regarding the moon landings, although I'm sure they exist. But mainly, you see all these old guys, living out in the desert in mobile homes that come up with all the hooey... It must be all that time in the "dry heat," or something.

The Gang of Four on the town in Asheville, NC this past weekend.
From left: Some guy, Danielle, her man Duncan, and Mike.
note: Danielle would have you believe that it's a bit colder out that it actually is... I think it's because she's so short and doesn't have as much blood to keep her warm.
note2: That's not a restaurant sign above Mike's head... That's actually what he was thinking at the time... I don't know how the camera picked it up.

"Take my hand
Look into my eyes
Tell me what you see
Because the eyes never lie

And all that you've ever done
And everything you ever knew
And in every dream you'll ever have
I'm there with you

Tell me everything you can
'Cause I am the one who will understand
I am all of your fantasy
And after all, it's just you and me

I'm Your Secrets

And when you hurt from the weight of the world
There's nothing I wouldn't do
And on the day you leave the world
I go with you

Tell me again about endless love
The talk with the sun and the moon and stars
What do you think about God and man
Tell me the thing no one would understand

'Cause I'm Your Secrets

You ask is love a lie
And is the world insane
Why do we cry
And is this life really just a dream

Tell me everything you can
I am the one who will understand you
I am all that you wish to be
It's always been just you and me

'Cause I'm Your Secrets..."

It took a long time, but I came to realize that "sacrifice" isn't something I do... it's something I am.

POLICE WOMEN RULE!

How to confuse your party guests.

This is really cool... I wanted to do this years ago... but I got over it, I guess

CLICK HERE

"They say I don't think enough about the afterlife
Of what's below and above, it's all in black and white
They say there's only one kind of love
You have to choose just right
They say there's only one kind of love in the afterlife

Kiss it all goodbye
In the afterlife
You don't get another try

But I can't see... I don't know how
That I won't be what I am now, no
Even in my afterlife
And I won't have some other heart
That could find peace though we're apart...
No...

It's not enough anymore to be good in this life
They say you've got to be sure so you can sleep at night
The only love that endures gives up without a fight
The only love that endures in the afterlife

Kiss it all goodbye
In the afterlife
It was just a clever lie

If I could never see your face
Then I would have to fall from grace, I know
Even in my afterlife
Or for eternity be blind to your presence in my mind?
No...

And they could promise me a seat
At the right side of the throne
But all would still be incomplete
Within the holy host, alone
Without the guiding light so sweet
That has forever led me on
For me there's no eternal rest
You and I have unfinished business...
Yes...

If I could still hold one thought clear
Then you will instantly appear, I know
Even in my afterlife
But I can't see... I don't know how
That I won't be what I am now, no
Not even in my afterlife
And I won't have some other heart
That could find peace though we're apart, no
Even in my afterlife
I could not repose in bliss
Never more to know your kiss, no
Even in my afterlife..."

-

"Nearly everyone I know claims to have heard your voice

And every time they do, I know I should rejoice
Because one day I'm sure you'll break your silence
And speak just to me
But I feel like time's running out
My heart is, my heart is filling with doubt

And god said,
'I don't dwell upon you, I dwell on something else
And I am not really here so get over yourself'

I've tried to follow every rule they said you handed down
And spread the sacred testimony all around
But still the others seem to have your ear but never will I
Have I displeased you somehow?
Can't help, can't help feeling left out

And god said,
'There's no anger in me, you must mean someone else
'Cause it's not me that you see, you're looking at yourself
And I won't give you a prize instead of someone else
'Cause I don't play favorites, so get over yourself'


Is it my fear, is it my pride, is it my vanity?
Should your name just be denied to save my sanity?
What is the price I need to pay to have
What others seem to grasp so easily?
Pity your servant your slave
Who'll kiss, who'll kiss your feet to be saved
Save me, save me

And god said,
'You are not serving me, you're serving something else
'Cause I don't need to be pleased, just get over yourself
You can't suck up to me, I know you all too well
But I don't dwell upon you, so get over yourself
'Cause you're not praying to me, you're praying to yourself
And you're not worshipping me, you're worshipping yourself
And you will kill in my name, and heaven knows what else
When you can't prove I exist so get over yourself...'"

_

I don't even really know what to say about it (imagine me, speechless?), so I'll just let it speak for itself...

MAN WITH TWO PENISES LOSES WIFE

Okay... shouldn't it be penii... maybe?
meh
Anyhow, interesting stuff.

My niece...
...on a "Highway to Spell"

(from the comments)

why speed safe? doesn't that seem to be sortof strange with respect to a knife?

Well... yeah... I always thought it was a rather silly name, too... especially after one time, I was cutting the tie-wraps off a light rig on a stage and a flipped open the knife, my other hand in "blade proximity" and the tip of the knife whipped out and sliced the crap out of me... that was an instance of "speed unsafe."

By request - My Kershaws...
From left:
Model 1600 - "Chive" (420HC stainless) - $49.95
Model 1660VIB - "Rainbow Leek" (440A Stainless, titanium oxide coated) - $99.95
Model 1660 - "Leek" (440A Stainless) - $69.95
Model 1550 - "Blackout" (440A Stainless Tungsten DLC coated, Polyamide handle) - $89.95
Model 1640 - "Vapor" (AUS6A Stainless) - $35.95

All models (except the Vapor) are made in the USA. They all (except the Vapor, again) also feature Kershaw's "Speed Safe" assisted-opening feature... that is, there is a "torsion bar" (apparently, a fancy name for a spring) in the axle of the blade that flips the blade open... Don't mistake them for a "switchblade," though. To be a switchblade, the knife has to have... well, a "switch" to activate it... On these, the person has to physically start the blade in motion and the spring kicks in and finishes the job.

The Blackout was my first Kershaw. It's been used pretty well over the past few years. The Chive is really cool, because it's so small...

My Kershaw/Ken Onion USA Leek.
I've had it for a while. I'm quite partial to it. In fact, I'm quite partial to Kershaw knives... well, the USA-made ones, anyway. I have a Kershaw Vapor (designed by Ken Onion, but produced in China from somewhat inferior material - thus, a thirty-five dollar price tag) and it's... well, it's not nearly as nice as the one above. Handy, however, for "shit work," when I need something I'm not too concerned to get nicked up. It sharpens back up just fine, anyway. But this knife rules. Materials, balance... it rules.

My Kershaw/Ken Onion USA "Rainbow" Leek.
I had this ordered a long time ago, when I still lived in Colorado. I just got it in the mail the other day. They only make a few of them per month, apparently. It is coated with titanium oxide which, when electric current of various intesities is applied to different locations, produces the "rainbow" effect. It's not a knife that I will be cutting anything with, anytime soon... In fact, it will most likely stay in it's cool little pouch, unless called upon in order to attempt to impress friends.

I've always had a thing for nice knives... ever since I was a wee laddie, sitting in the backyard of my grandfather's house, playing this strange-yet-cool game with him... where you have to sort of balance the knife off of various body parts (fingers, forearm, elbow, shoulder, chin, nose, etc.) and get it to fall off your body and stick in the ground. We played mubletypeg, too, but that was usually with a butter knife.

My dad gave me a cool Case bone-handled knife when I was about eight. I inevitably cut the shit out of myself with it, once (as I have done with basically all of my knives over time). In the years since, I have had Buck, Schrade, Gerber... all kinds of nice knives... But I really am fond of Kershaw kinves... I have a total of five of them. They rule. Better than Spyderco & Benchmade, in my opinion (no offense to those companies - I just don't find them to be very balanced blades).

I don't know what happened to my dad's cool Victorinox he carried on his keychain for eleventy-billion years (or twenty-some, anyway). I would have really liked to have had it... The main blade was beginning to curve inward from Dad's meticulous sharpening over the years. I think I may have returned it to my brother after my dad passed away... because he bought it for him, and I'm sentimental like that, I guess. My friend Mike said he had originally bought me a Victorinox for Christmas this year, but gave it to his little cousin instead and bought me a couple DVDs. I'm certain that if I sharpen the edges of the DVDs with my stone, they'll cut stuff...

I have my grandfather's old pocket knife... it isn't "nice," or anything... but it was his... so it's awesome.