Damn... I really miss my razor - I'll most likely never see it, again... I despise blades, anymore.

Mom, if you're listening? Christmas? Possibly? Eh?

I was just checking one of my emails... and I got a piece of spam - well, this address seems to be riddled with it, anymore... but, still, I found the subject line of this one rather intriguing:

Subject: But now I can penetrate hardly and give the pleasure to every woman!

So, every woman needs to be prepared for the pleasure, apparently... Now, if I can just find one to penetrate hardly, you're all good to go.

Maybe I should have actually read the mail before I pitched it...

I held out as long as I could... but I finally had to turn my furnace on a little bit ago... I'll porbably turn it back off here in an hour or so, but it was just too freakin' cold...

I'm not taking my air conditioner out of the window, yet... because, of course, it will be 85 again within a week... 'cause that's just how it is around here this time of year.

"The Burglary," Part II

Okay... I guess I could have written about this much sooner... like, later that morning... but, I didn't...

This is actually a pretty long story, but I'll try to keep it not too long-ish...

So, after I was broken into, I decided that when the sun came up, I was going to go see if I could maybe find my wallet in one of the dumpsters or trash cans, nearby... So, I went out and had a look around... I decided to have a look at the back door screen that was ripped open to gain access to my back door and all that... took a couple pictures of it... and when I was coming back down the steps, I noticed something unusual... looked like drag marks... Well, the intruder person took a HUGE plastic Rubbermaid tub (that I had used to bring down some appliances and such when I moved in) and put all the stuff they stole into it... So it made sense... It also told me that there was only one person doing the burglary... It was easily a two-person sized tub... so one person would have to drag it (two people could have easily carried it). The grass had been cut the day before and was extremely short, to the point of exposing the soil underneath in some uneven places)... This helped to make the drag marks a little more conspicuous... So, I followed the drag marks around the back of my nextdoor neighbor's house... and... lo and behold... the drag marks stopped... right at his back porch... There was a trash can between his house and the building next to it... I lifted it up a little bit and could easily tell that it had been in place for quite a while (the grass underneath was a different color (gotta love that chlorophyl stuff) and there were no other marks on the ground where the can could have been sitting before the burglar would have moved it)... There was no way to get that huge tub around the trash can... and the drag marks abruptly stopped at the back porch... I had my suspicions about him as soon as I realized that it had happened (his blinds are always up, but every blind in the house was all the way down when I came home, obviously so no one would look in and see him sorting through my stuff).

I took some more pictures of all of it and then called a former neighbor of mine who is the head of the detective bureau here in town... He and his partner showed up and walked around the houses... I took it upon myself to point out the drag marks and when I did, I was asked to go to the office next door and "hang out" for a while... Within about an hour, I had most of my stuff back... no cash, though... and a few other things that I didn't realize were stolen were still inside (which were later taken out of the house by the kid's mother who came down to clean it out after he was arrested)...

I'm a little pissed that the landlady let the mother in to empty the house out knowing that there was still some of my property inside... so I'll probably never see it, again... I really love that razor, too... not to mention a couple digital recorders and some awesome gloves...

When the police were taking him out of the house in cuffs, I was nextdoor at the business, sorting through all my stuff that they had recovered... The kid stops... looks at me... and says, "Tony, I stole all your stuff..." I kinda laughed and was like, "Really?!?! No way!"

He had a drug problem (that the VA fed for him every month with mass quantities of painkillers, nerve pills, etc.)... The night before, I had come home from work and saw him passed out on his bed... I gave a doubletake and thought he was dead... after I figured out that he was, in fact, still breathing, I went in and fixed my dinner and was walking back through my hallway and saw him trying to stand up off his bed... and failing miserably... I clicked off my hall light and sat there for a minute and watched... He probably fell over four or five times before he made it to his feet for more than ten seconds... I knew something was up, at that point... I thought about maybe saying something to the landlady, but I figured as long as he kept that mess to himself, I wasn't going to put my nose into it... But yeah... end of the month... no job, no money, no dope... and judging from the fact that he emptied out my fridge and pantry, probably no food, either.

It just burns me up to find out that a neighbor would do something stupid like this... I mean, from the first day I was moving in, I knew he was sketchy... but we were always very friendly to eachother (I'm a nice guy, y'know?)... If he would have needed money, I could have just loaned him some... it's not like I didn't know where he was to find him, y'know? But to break into my house and steal my stuff? Lower than low... I mean, I had a "best friend" who decided to steal or attempt to steal every girlfriend I ever had in my life (I had always adopted a philosophy that if the girls were dumb enough to fall for his line of crap, then they weren't worth my time in the first place - the friendship abrupty ended when he decided to scam on the wrong girl... who also fell for it hook, line and sinker)... and he was low (well, besides some of the most ridiculous behavior I've ever seen from people (with regards to that ex)... he actually broke into my old house a few times, himself (caught him once, even), looking for stupid shit... I wouldn't say he was necessarily "stealing stuff," but rather than just asking me about something, he waited for me to not be home and went in and "borrowed it," instead)... okay... so he was really low, too (it's okay, though - he's reaping what he's sown to this day)... but even that dork couldn't touch the sliminess of the little pilljunkie nextdoor neighbor chump.

I don't hate the neighbor kid, or anything... I just think he's an idiot.

I was on my way to work last night... saw this at the tire shop about a block from my house... damn kids...

My apartment was broken into while I was at work, tonight... Took my wallet filled with my rent and stuff (which is due in a couple days, mind you)... my video game console... my Palm Tungsten E2... My badass Braun razor (but they left the cleaning stand and charger, so it won't do them much good, for long - "Hey, thanks for leaving my toothbrush and deodorant! I bet you coulda used them more than the razor.")... all my DVD's - well all the store-bought ones, anyway (because they were obviously seasoned in the thievin' trade)... they even emptied my refridgerator and my pantry (wtf?)... They took other stuff which I'm still trying to figure out... yet, they left all my guitars, my amp, all my computers, a $200 watch sitting right out in the open - all untouched... which is kind of baffling... The thing that hurts possibly more than anything is the fact that in my wallet were the last driver's licenses of my father and my grandfather... some of the only things I'll ever have of theirs.

Y'know... People are funny... and mystifying... and confusing... and aggrevating... and beautiful... and amazing... and inspiring... and they obviously care, or they wouldn't bother...

Would they?

I've been seeing/reading all this crap about how all these parents are outraged at myspace for various reasons... well, it all started when a woman from my town went on a vendetta against the mayor... and found his daughter's myspace profile (why, or how, I'm not really sure)... and proceeded to use the daughter as some kind of pawn in her campaign to smear the mayor... which I found not only retarded and misguided but completely evil on the woman's behalf. Anyhow, it sparked a big debate on a local newsgroup. Many of the people on it immediately jumped on the "myspace is nothing but whores and serial killers" bandwagon... which really cracked me up... because they don't know what the hell they're talking about. Yes, there are whores on there... and I'm sure there's a serial killer and a pedophile or two, as well... but COME ON. Stuff like that is not limited to myspace, by far... It's probably more dangerous to go shopping at the mall than it would ever be to surf myspace. Cyberspace is what it is... you make the best out of it that you can... and if you can't, then maybe you just stick to watching tv.

This was going to be a lot longer... but, y'know... 'nuff said.

The woman eventually got banned from the newsgroup for being an out of line, nuisance douchebucket...

I'll have a little rant on myspace (pro, not con), coming up... probably Monday night... In the meantime... I turned 37 about a week ago... and other than my friends taking me out to dinner... it fucking licked ass...

Nothing says "I'm a douchebag" quite like this catchy little number, courtesy of Spinner Exhaust Tips


Coming to an asshole's car exhaust near you.

Best... season... finale... ... ... ever.

I've had this pic for a few weeks and I never thought to post it... I'm not really sure as to the authenticity of it (her face looks a little sketchy in relation to the head, although that could just be attributes to the whacked-out 'do she's sporting), but it's still pretty funny, nonetheless.

Possibly the best thing about it is the (black) kid in the (totally insane racist) Von Dutch t-shirt. I really never have understood that, beyond the fact that people will try to be trendy and cool withouth really knowing anything about what they're doing...

Ah, what am I saying? The best thing about the pic is Whitney's 'do... That kid better not let Bobby Brown see him with his mits on her like that, though.

Steve Howe, Former NL Rookie of Year, Dies in Truck Crash at 48

April 28 (Bloomberg) -- Relief pitcher Steve Howe, who was the 1980 National League Rookie of the Year and suspended seven times by Major League Baseball for substance abuse, died early this morning when his pickup truck rolled over off a California freeway. He was 48.

Howe was driving westbound on Interstate 10 around 5:30 a.m. local time eight miles east of Indio, California, when his truck drifted into the center median, hit an embankment and rolled over, California Highway Patrol Officer Franco Castro said in a telephone interview.

Howe wasn't wearing a seatbelt and was partially ejected from the truck, which crushed his head and torso, Castro said. Howe was pronounced dead at the scene, which was around 135 miles east of Los Angeles.

Castro wouldn't say if there was evidence of alcohol or drug use by Howe, adding that the crash was still under investigation.

The Associated Press reported that Howe was critically injured in a motorcycle crash in August in Montana.

Howe, a left-hander, helped the Los Angeles Dodgers win the World Series in 1981, one season after he set a team rookie record with 17 saves.

``Steve played for me for five years and I thought the world of him,'' former Dodgers manager Tommy Lasorda said in a statement. ``I am truly sorry to hear about his passing and my deepest sympathies go out to his family.''

He underwent rehabilitation for substance abuse for the first time before the 1983 season and was suspended for all of 1984. The Dodgers released him in 1985, but he spent the rest of that season with the Minnesota Twins, before missing the 1986 season.

He spent 1987 with the Texas Rangers, but missed the next three seasons before joining the New York Yankees in 1991. Former major-league commissioner Fay Vincent banned Howe for life in 1992 after he pleaded guilty to a cocaine-possession charge in Montana, but an arbitrator overturned it.

He pitched with the Yankees through 1996, but two days after being released on June 24, 1996, was arrested in a terminal at New York's John F. Kennedy Airport with a loaded .357 Magnum in his suitcase. He pleaded guilty to gun possession and received three years probation.

Howe was born March 10, 1958, in Pontiac, Michigan. He was a first-round pick of the Dodgers in 1979 and had a career major-league record of 47-41 with a 3.30 earned run average and 91 saves. He made his only All-Star appearance in 1982.

GO AVS!

That is all...

I was having a "bad dream" last night... I mean, it wasn't one of those "truly nightmarish" kinds of dreams, but it was unpleasant, nonetheless. I woke up in the middle of it (as I often do during such experiences)... yet, I found myself wanting to get back to sleep as quick as I can so that maybe I could see how the dream turned out... I do that a lot when I am having cool dreams, but I can't ever recall wanting to go back into a shitty dream... until this morning, anyway.

Bonds is a Disgrace

I really dislike Barry Bonds... I've probably seen him play against the Reds four or five times and in those games I've seen him go 0 for 4 (with 3 Ks), get ejected once for arguing balls and strikes and another time on being called out at second (some people would call that "desire," or whatever - I call it "stupid")... I was personally flipped off by him after giving him a little "good-spirited ribbing" for making an error on a catch (well, it honestly could have been anyone of the half-dozen or so people that were sitting around me giving him the business) - no one was cursing at him or calling him names or anything, we were merely pointing out that his glove seemed to have developed a hole in it that he might need to look into getting repaired... anyhow, he flipped me off, and that, as a pro athlete - on the field of play - is about as classless as it gets.

Beyond the fact that he's a punk... he's also a cheat. Anyone that thinks Bonds hasn't been juicin' needs to look no further than that ever-expanding (in more way than one, I guess) cranium of his. If he was in any way a stand-up guy, he would do what Trey Parker & Matt Stone suggested in an episode of South Park and go to the league and ask that his home run record be removed from the books, because he's a cheater and a liar.

Look at a guy like Ken Griffey, Jr. - straight up, he's "The Natural" if there's ever been one - he's got one of the sweetest swings ever to grace the game... if it hadn't been for a couple pretty nasty injuries, there's no doubt he would be knocking on Hammerin' Hank Aaron's home run record... and he's a genuine nice guy, to boot. Griffey will breeze into the Hall of Fame on an unblemished record of being a credit to the sport... whereas Bonds will, no doubt, face ten times the scrutiny he's facing now in his quest to get in... he probably will (even though he's a cheater and doesn't deserve it), though...

When (and if) Bonds breaks Aaron's record, I hope everyone will realize that his new record doesn't mean shit because he broke the rules and acted like a complete dick along the way to break it.

I'm not sure if this belongs on my music blog or on this one... hell I'll probably copy it over there, too... but I had a chance to go see a band play at a teeny little club (actually called "Teeny's") that I've probably played twenty-five or so times. The last time I played music there was probably 1995-96. Oddly (or maybe not), the place hasn't changed a single bit. Well, I take that back - there was a couch in the very back of the bar where there used to be a couple tables, but other than that, it was identical... same decorations, same lights... even the same people working behind the bar.

The highlight wasn't the fact that I was there, though. The highlight was who I was watching.

Twenty years ago I started playing music in my first high school rock band. Scott Douthat, Brian Jenkins, Eric Drake, Dane Morgan and myself... We would get together after school, almost every day, and just played and played and played and played (and then I would go home and play some more)... I have said this to many people but in all the music I have played in my life, playing with these guys was absolutely the single best experience I've ever had (playing with Jarrod and Brandon was a very close second, but...). We were just a bunch of kids, no pretense, no ego, nothing to prove to anyone - we just played... whatever we wanted, however we wanted, whenever we wanted... It was absolutely great.

So I read in my local music newsgroup that this band, Second Hand Smoke, was playing... I glanced through the post and saw that Scott and Eric were in the band. Holy shit! They're playing music together, again? Incredible.

I walked in the bar and there they were... They hadn't really changed a bit in 20 years... both sporting Van Dykes at this point, but they really didn't look any older, honestly... When I saw them, all these memories of sitting in Scott's basement came flying back (they honestly hadn't flown that far away, or anything, but visual triggers can be pretty intense, sometimes, I guess). I walked over and said hi... and it was like we had all said goodbye from our last time playing together just yesterday... They were the same guys I remembered... totally goofy, totally themselves. It was so cool.

Eric Drake (vocals) and Scott Douthat (drums), circa 1986. You can't tell who my hero was, can ya?

Eric Drake (at the congas) and Scott Douthat (at the drums), 2006.

The show was really cool, too... Scott hasn't missed a beat playing drums in the years since we all played together and Eric sounded just like he did back then... The other three guys were all great, too. Dr. Miller sounded like he had learned a couple new blues licks since I saw him play with my friend Duncan in '90-'91... and he played those new licks in every song. Eli and Rick were totally rock-solid, too... but I was there to see Scott and Eric... and I really had a great time watching them... watching them all... but seeing my old bandmates... my old friends - two guys I looked up to so much and was practically inseperable from twenty years ago - granted, playing much different music than we played back in the day - it was really a treat and I was so happy to see them and to see them having such a good time playing music, again.

How the hell does FOX drop Arrested Development? Oh, yeah... they're FOX... notoriously bad at keeping great shows on the air... Greg the Bunny, Andy Richter Controls the Universe, the Tick... and now, Arrested Development...

What dumbasses...

I hear that Showtime wants to pick up Arrested Development, though... that could be good news for a great show...

So, the Olympics are over... Bode Miller showed that he was all talk and no walk... The U.S. men's and women's hockey teams failed to medal... Showboating snowboarders fell on their butts and made themselves look stupid... U.S. speed skaters talked trash about each other... For being the "best U.S. Olympic team ever," they sure didn't seem like it, to me.

Probably the biggest "shocker" was the Canadian men's hockey team not making the medal round... but then again, maybe it wasn't. To me, it all boiled down to Wayne Gretzky's shitty picks for the team. Well, he did pick some great players... but who couldn't pick Joe Sakic, Martin Brodeur, Joe Thornton, Adam Foote, Rob Blake, Jarome Iginla, Martin Saint-Louis, etc.? I, personally, think the huge downfall of the team was the inclusion of mediocre knucklehead and general shit-for-brains Tod Bertuzzi and the complete bullshit snubbing of Paul Kariya... plain and simple. This was Gretzky's second snubbing of Kariya in international play (the other being the 2004 World Cup of Hockey after Kariya spent a majority of the hockey season injured). Considering how well he is playing this year, I have to think that Gretzky has something personal against Kariya... Maybe his gambling shill/wife made a comment about thinking Kariya's cute, or something. Anyhow, I would trade Bertuzzi's enforcer attitude for Kariya's speed and skill any day of the week. I mean, what did Bertuzzi have the entire Olympics? Three assists? Oooooooh... awesome. Well, if I had three assists in the Olympics, I would be pretty happy, myself (because, see, I don't actually play hockey)... but compared to what Kariya would have done in his place, it's not even a discussion. The one thing that Canada needed and totally didn't have was any element of speed... St.-Louis almost was fast... like, once...

So, Wayne Gretzky, get your head out of your butt and put people that deserve to be there on your hockey team.

I'll Take the Fins for a Fin, Please?

Team USA men's hockey... totally blew goats at the Olympics... totally... I'm not all that disappointed. Well, I wanted them to do good... for my country... but I hate Chris Chelios more than possibly any other hockey player... besides Tod Bertuzzi.

Team Canada... gone... They lost to a better Russian Federation team... well, maybe not a "better" team... but Team Canada hadn't looked "on" since the beginning couple games. Seems like they didn't get the puck to Joe Sakic nearly enough... and after he got his face busted (fractured cheekbone, anyway), the gave it to him even less, even though he was on the ice a lot... Sakic is THE MAN, for crying out loud. Crikey!

So... before the Olympics started, my prediction was the Czech Republic taking the gold... they're just deep as deep can get. After the round robin play... they're not looking as good as I thought they would, but they're still doing better than the US and Canada. The other team I'm looking at is Finland... of course. I can remember them being "powerhouses" when I was a youngster... and nothing's changed.

I have to say, though... as crappy as the United States and Canada ended up doing in Olympic hockey, I saw some extremely high-paced, entertaining games... and I'm sure there's a couple more to come.

P.S. - I was kinda joking about a US Curling medal before... but it's a possibility, at this point. Awesome!

Best Team Ever?

Before the Olympics started, I kept seeing this commercial talking about how the United States was sending the "best team it's ever sent" to the Winter Games... if that's the case, then why all the mediocre stuff? I mean, what the HELL was the deal with the girl showboating and doing the method air off the last jump at the gold medal run of the women's snowboard-cross... and subsequently falling on her ass and losing a sure gold medal? Everyone couldn't seem to shut up about mogul skier Jeremy Bloom... and he totally blew at the games... totally. Bode Miller? Not even on the radar. The speed skaters have been doing rather well, thus far... which is good, because it is probably my favorite thing to watch. The men's hockey team has been doing rather poorly (1-1-1 is NOT what I was expecting from such an "elite" team). The women's hockey team losing to Sweden? Never happened, before... wouldn't have predicted it happening.

I'm just missing some of that "total dominance" I was kinda led to believe existed... Well, in the snowboarding events, okay... but big deal. Snowboarding? That shit's for the X-Games. Well, okay, maybe not... but it's not one of the bigger sports at a Winter Olympics, I don't care what you say. I'm still waiting for a biathlon medal or a curling medal... lol. In all seriousness, I love both events.

Un the upside... Krissy Wendell and Natalie Durwitz are two totally gorgeous hockey players... and they're pretty damn good, to boot.

I'm a little concerned that Hollywood is becoming less and less capable of making ORIGINAL MOVIES. It seems like every time I turn around, there's another remake of a classic hitting the theaters. It just doesn't make sense. I've always liked Steve Martin... but him and Beyonce Knowles in a remake of The Pink Panther??? Well, I suppose it has to be better than Cedric the Entertainer doing Ralph Kramden The Honeymooners... I can almost understand the Disney remakes to a point... I mean, updating Herbie the Love Bug and The Shaggy Dog so that little kids of today will enjoy them kinda makes a little sense, but the kids should still see the originals and bask in the glory that was Disney at its most glorious, and not the strange machine it has become in recent years...
There always has been and always will be remakes... but the pace at which they are appearring is becoming a bit disturbing in that I think Hollywood would rather just rehash old movies that come up with fresh ideas... Time to stock up on my book collection, I guess.

I've always liked this bit of illusion-skullduggery... Look at the pics... Note which face is on what side... Now, stand up and get as far away (at least ten feet or so, anyway) from the screen as you can and look... tricky, huh?

Yup...

Yeah, Underworld: Evolution was really, really good... I would say "it rocked," even, except for the fact that they pretty much did away with the rock-heavy soundtrack in favor of an excellent score. I've always been kinda weird about movies like that... I mean, I loved The Crow, liked the soundtrack, I guess, but absolutely loved the score... I really hope that they will put out a score CD for Evolution, as well...

As far as the movie, itself... excellent story, very well-written... and they upped the blood & gore budget by about twenty times over the original. There are a few scenes I would say are definitely not for the squeamish. I saw where the rating says, "R for pervasive strong violence and gore..." and they mean it.

Kate Beckensale looked incredible, as well... yummy, even. She makes me all tingly... Almost got to see her naked... almost, anyway.

I am actually quite looking forward to Underworld: Evolution... I hope I won't be disappointed. I'm not sure how I could... I mean, Underworld was easily the best "vampire" movie in the last twenty years, or so... well, whenever The Lost Boys was out. Well, there have been some pretty okay ones in between... Fright Night and From Dusk Till Dawn both were pretty entertaining, as well.
I saw a movie recently called The Twins Effect starring a couple of really cute Hong Kong pop stars that was actually pretty entertaining, as well... The acting wasn't great, the story wasn't the best thing I had ever seen, but the fight sequences and some of the special effects were very entertaining... not to mention a five minute cameo by Jackie Chan - did anyone realize that he could sing rather well (he does the theme song with the Twins)?
I really can't stand that Anne Rice stuff, though... and Tom Cruise as Lestat was ridiculous... and that Queen of the Damned thing was atrocious (both in print and on the screen)... Likewise, I didn't care for Bram Stoker's Dracula in the slightest, either... I mean, the book is incredible... but that movie... and I like Gary Oldman, too... but that movie...
Anyhow, here's to hoping that Underworld: Evolution kicks some of the same ass that its predecessor did. And maybe Kate Beckensale will get naked in this one, too... or nearly... please?