I was just watching a press conference with our good buddy, Rumsfeld... He and another gentleman (Gen. Richard Meyers (Myers?)) were talking about how they would try to avoid having troops killed by a suicide bomber on their base happen, again...

Hey, um... guys? Here's a good point to build from... how about DON'T LET IRAQI CITIZENS WORK ON U.S. MILITARY BASES... I mean, you won't let most non-military citizens on any military bases in YOUR OWN COUNTRY, why would you do that on a base in a foreign land where you are currently engaged in a WAR?

It's that whole "outsourcing" thing, isn't it, G-Dub?

When did the "war on terrorism" become the "struggle against extremism?" Did I miss the memo?
What has brought about this change in the semantics? I have come to the conclusion that it's probably a broadening of the term from just a simple "terrorist." Also, now, the people will start to associate multipleforms of "extremism" as "terrorism..." so maybe that will give them what they need to want to go up against some other countries now, too... So who's next? China? South Korea? The American Democratic Party?

The world is strange... I mean, it's not like I'm just now figuring this out... but it's just strange... People are strange... again, nothing new. I never know what to make of them, sometimes.

I have a lot of faith in the thought that whoever gave humans the ability to communicate in the way that they do did so for a reason... so that we would use it to help make ourselves better... So much of the "communication" I see about the world (and the people in it) is so... unappealling... I can't imagine if I were an alien, intercepting television satellite transmissions, that I would ever want to come here, to invade or just to visit... I'd be off to the next terrestrial body...

Of course, I'm not just taking about communicating through media... that's just the seriously shitty kind... Communication between people, two people - that can be some of the trickiest stuff in the world... I always thought I was good at it... I'm really not so sure...

People puzzle me...

...I just got a piece of porn spam email that the subject line was "Sluts are as happy as pigs in shit..."

I know a couple sluts... I'll have to ask...

I was kinda afraid of what might be on the other end if I clicked the mail open... coulda been really scary... like "Clarence the Sexual Mule" scary...

A kinder, gentler Pinhead...

Before I came back home, I got the Greg the Bunny Complete Series DVD set. Well worth the 20 bucks if you were even remotely a fan... Has two episodes that never made it to air. Too good...

Lost again
Broken and weary
Unable to find
my way

I fell again
Like a baby
Unable to stand
on my own

Tail in hand
Dizzy and clearly
Unable to just
let this go

I am surrendering
to gravity and the unknown...

Go Avs

As a recent hockey re-convert (I have thoroughly enjoyed hockey at different times in my life but, as many fans of hockey, my interest has waxed and waned over the years with things like lockouts and all that miserable garbage (I still can't enjoy baseball anymore like I used to - bring on football season, already - should hockey enter a lockout situation next year, they might as well pack in the whole league) - some of my earliest hockey memories are of the Cincinnati Sting of the WHA in the '70s - incidentally, the team that Mark Messier scored his first professional goal with, clear back in 1978 - I could have been watching that game on good ol' WXIX), I was relieved to see the Colorado Avalanche take the first step in getting the Stanley Cup back in Denver... They beat the Dallas Stars 4 games to 1. Game 5 just ended about a half hour ago, and much to my relief, it wasn't another game where the Avalanche went up by a couple goals only to give them back in the third period... I was seriously hoping to avoid a triple overtime 2-1 loss or something like that - it gives me heartburn... Luckily, they won 5-1 today... They looked really sharp the entire series, considering how lackluster they looked towards the end of the season. The young Marek Svatos has shown himself to be not an "up and comer" but an "already here-er," with something like five assists and a goal in the series, after missing 79 of 82 games in the regular season with a bad shoulder... I look for good things from him in the next series, as well as the future of the Avs, provided owner Pierre LaCroix doesn't get an itchy trigger finger and deal him off after one bad performance, as he has shown a bit of a tendency to do with others in the past...

My favorite Av, Paul Kariya, didn't play at all this series with a bum ankle after he was totally fucked over with ninety seconds to go in the regular season (the guy that wrenched him down didn't even get a minor)... He's probably the fastest skater I've ever seen in a hockey uniform (and maybe one of the smallest, too). The team did okay without him this series, I guess, but I (for one) definitely missed seeing him flying down the ice. Hopefully, he'll get back in, soon.

Meanwhile, the Avalance are probably the deepest team in hockey, with four complete lines of all-star caliber players. When players like Paul Kariya and Alex Tanguay go and get themselves hurt, luckily, there's someone who can contribute at the drop of a hat (or puck) to back them up... In all seriousness, any of the four lines can go against the first line of any other team in the league... And if everyone is healthy, there would be a potential to have five lines that could blow the doors off of any other team... Joe Sakic, Peter Forsberg, Milan Hejduk, Paul Kariya, Steve Konowalchuk, Alex Tanguay, Teemu Selanne, Matthew Barnaby, Andrei Nikolishin, Dan Hinote, Rob Blake, Adam Foote - all total stars. Throw Marek Svatos, Chris Gratton, Darby Hendrickson, Karlis Skrastins, Riku Hahl, John-Michael Liles, Bob Boughner, Peter Worrell (a "tough guy" enforcer that can actually play hockey, too) and Ossi Vaananen into the mix and add a touch of uber-goalie David Aebischer, and you can mix and match as you like and have the potential to decimate any team in the league...

Depending on the outcome of the Calgary/Vancouver (Bertuzzi is a chump) series, the Avalance will either face the #2 seed San Jose Sharks or the #1 seed (and other arch rivals, besides lowlifes Vancouver) Detroit Red Wings... Either way, the Avalanche have gained some serious momentum and necessary confidence in the first round... It's a team full of stars that has hopefully shaken the "underachievers" monkey from their backs...

So, take a few days off, fellas... Heal up, get ready to stomp whoever's next... for me? Please?

I'm still pretty fucking miserable, but I'm gonna avoid talking about it for a moment to talk about something that my brother mentioned in one of his posts, recently...

There's been some great television cancelled in recent years... I didn't need to even read the MSN article to come up with a list of great shows that just... disappeared...

Andy Richter Controls the Universe (FOX) - Andy Richter is one of the funnier "straight men" in show business... his role in Cabin Boy was beautiful, if not far too small... This show was hilarious, but apparently the network didn't get it.

The Family Guy (FOX) - Thank Maynard for Adult Swim on Cartoon Network rerunning this so-beautifully-crafted animation series... I hear it's actually coming back as soon as the fall? Sweet.

Mr. Show (HBO) - Perhaps one of the funniest cable shows (along with Kids in the Hall), ever... David Cross is one of the funniest cats on the planet (one of his stand up specials on HBO had me nearly pissing myself and his Shut Up You Fucking Baby! CDs got me through a so not funny ice storm, last year).

Undeclared (FOX) - Apparently, I was one of the show's few big fans... but I loved it. It was a more accurate look at college life than many wanted to admit. It ended far too early...

The Ben Stiller Show (FOX) - Comedy Central shows it from time to time, late night on Tuesdays... A brilliant piece of work from a brilliant cast (Stiller, Bob Odenkirk (Mr. Show), Andy Dick & Jeneane Garafolo)...

Greg the Bunny (FOX) - Okay, FOX has had wayyyy too many great shows that they didn't know how to market properly... Greg the Bunny was probably the funniest of them all... Set in a world where puppets (or "Fabricated Americans" as they were known) are real... The kid's show "Sweetknuckle Junction" featured characters like Greg, the oversexed Count Blah, A Harvard educated, alcoholic ape, Warren DeMontague, and Tardy the Turtle, alongside humans Dottie Sunshine and Junction Jack... Seth Green and Eugene Levy were the father & son "leads" of the show along with the ultra-funny Sarah Silverman, but you'd be hard pressed to convince me that the puppets weren't the stars... Count Blah was absolutely hilarious, blah...
Once again, FOX didn't understand what a piece of pure genius they had and pulled the plug far too soon after juggling around the lineup way too much...

Oy...

A judge in Texas ruled yesterday that gay high school students could not hold meetings on the school grounds...

I'm actually a little torn on the relativity of this issue, because if gay students get together to have meetings about "being gay" or whatever, then straight students should probably be in the room next to them having meetings about "being straight." But still, it seems a bit assinine that it even has to come to having a judge rule on it... to me, anyway...

It kinda ranks up there with the Georgia schools not being allowed to use the term "evolution," having to call it something like "natural changes occurring over time," instead. At least it got overturned in a higher court.
Crap like that wasn't an issue when I was in high school. We were taught evolution, and even the hardcore Bible-thumpers in my biology classes got good grades in it. It's just so goofy...

The Highlight Amongst the Snoring

The only categories I was really interested in at the Oscars last night were "Best Animated Feature" and "Best Animated Short" (well, as much as I have always liked Sean Penn (Fast Times... and The Falcon and the Snowman are still among some of my favorite movies), I would have liked to have seen Bill Murray win Best Actor). My brother's friend, Andrew Stanton, won for Best Animated feature (for Finding Nemo, from my bro's former place of employment, PIXAR), and that was very cool... All the little interviews I have seen of Andrew in the past year... he seems like a genuinely nice guy and it was cool to see him come away a winner.

You can read my brother's insight into it HERE.

Hail to the Redskins?

Anyone that knows me knows that I have lived and died with the Washington Redskins since I was in 2nd grade. Sure, there's always been that little part of me that roots for the Cincinnati Bengals to succeed, but I'm a Redskin fan to the core.
I guess one guy I'm not a great big fan of is Redskin owner Daniel Snyder. For some reason, he thinks he has knowledge of football, when actually, he only has shitloads of money and practically no football sense, whatsoever. I think I just long for the days of (former owner) Jack Kent Cooke.
The last few years have been rocky ones for the Redskins. They've gone through several head coaches (with only recent firee Steve Spurrier really to blame for his own demise), brought in great players, and have received nothing but misery as a reward.

Marty Schottenheimer - I can remember thinking, "Killer coach. Things are looking up." eeeennnnnnnhhhh! Wrongo...
Then enter Steve Spurrier - I thought, "Sweet! He'll get the 'Skins on track." eeennnnnnnhhhh! Wrong again, Chucko...
Then, they finally get it right by bringing back one of the best coaches in the game - three time Super Bowl winner Joe Gibbs. When I heard that right after New Year's, I nearly fainted. I think Daniel Snyder has finally realized that he knows nothing about professional football and he needs to leave it to the people that do. Good move, Daniel.

In recent days, they've gone and acquired some skill players to help them get back to what they do best.
QB Mark Brunell - good choice, but not who I think I would have gone after. Yeah, he's got years of experience, but that's probably going to be his downfall - he's getting old. I would have went straight for Tampa Bay backup/free agent Sean King. King has a great arm, a great record as a starter, considerable experience, and maybe most importantly, several years of viability in the NFL... Brunell will do good for the 'Skins, provided he can stay healthy, but King would have been a wicked choice to head up a team heading in a new (or old, depending on how you look at it) direction. He should have been starting for the Bucs the last three years, but they think people like Trent Dilfer and Brad Johnson are better (which they aren't).
Enter Clinton Portis. Portis comes from the Broncos, signs the biggest contract in history (or at least will tomorrow night at midnight), and brings high hopes to a much maligned offense. Even though I am now a Coloradoan, I can't say that I like the Broncos, at all... In fact, the only sports team around here that I give the time of day to is the (NHL) Avalanche. Anyhow, the 'Skins give up totally wicked defensive back Champ Bailey to get Portis. I hate to see Bailey go, but I'm glad to see a running back the ability of Portis come into the mix.
See, whether Daniel Snyder wants to believe it or not, the Redskins are, and always have been, a running football team... If you go back to what got them three Super Bowl titles, it was (besides Doug Williams' cannon of an arm) the run... You need look no further than uberhaus John Riggins. True, Portis and Riggins are nothing alike, in stature or otherwise, but Joe Gibbs knows what the hell he's doing. Just like the old days, it's gonna be run, run, run... short pass to the tight end... run, run, run some more. That's how Gibbs got them three Super Bowl rings, and I imagine it's how he plans on getting them a couple more.

So, with the addition of Gibbs alone, the Redskins have gone from underachieving also-rans to immediate contenders in the NFC. Add Mark Brunell and Clinton Portis (and I imagine they're not through, yet) to the mixture, and you have a force to be reckoned with, without having taken a single snap.
It would be nice to see them add someone like Javon Kearse to compliment LaVar Arrington's immense linebacker talent. But, maybe I should just be happy that they have who they have and pray for a healthy season.

Damn... it's only March... I have to deal with baseball season, still... DAMN!!!
Oh, well... Until September, GO REDS!

The Goth Creedo:

"All you have to do to be a non-conformist is dress exactly like us and listen to the same music we do..."

*+*+*

My boy, Butters: "I'd rather be a little crybaby pussy than a faggy goth."

Spoken like a man many years his senior... ;)

Can we PLEASE stop with the "fo' shizzle my nizzle dizzle" shit, already? It was tired about a year ago... and it's really stupid, at this point...

Okay... this weekend, it was about 10 degrees... Yesterday, it was 63... Today, it was 67... Tomorrow? Snow...

A couple weeks ago, there was a woman who was breast-feeding her child while in line at one of the Wal-Marts here in Fort Collins (for all you locals, the one off of Mulberry and Lemay). Apparently, she was asked to stop breast-feeding her child in public or leave the store... I'm not sure which she chose to do, but the next day, some thirty women showed up at the same store and proceeded to breast-feed their children (in public) in some kind of "boob out protest," or something... Isn't that just lovely? I am glad that I didn't go to Wal-Mart that day, because I would have probably made fun of a lot of ridiculously assinine women...
I saw on the news yesterday or the day before where the State Legislature is in the process of passing a law that would make it illegal to breast feed in public anywhere in the state... Thank Gawd-uh!
Having been a witness (or rather, a "victim") of this myself here, once (at a restaurant, of all places, with absolutely no effort to conceal it, or anything - totally disgusting - you should have seen the look on my girlfriend's face - priceless), I can only say that women really need to keep their boobs to themselves in public, please. Or if they think it's okay, then I think it should be okay for me to walk around with my ballsack hanging out of my fly... My "functional reasoning" would be in order to cool my testicles and keep my sperm count up... :)

For some reason, I have recently become hooked on Canada Dry Ginger Ale, and for the life of me I can't figure out why. It basically tastes nothing like ginger ale (it sort of smells like it, though), but just tastes more like 7up (in fact, I think 7up owns Canada Dry, now?)... but every time I go to the store, I grab a $2.00 twelve-pack and go home and proceed to drink it up in a few days... I haven't been drinking a lot of caffeine, recently... I wonder if I've just subsituted the taste of Canada Dry for my cravings for caffeine?
Oh, well... it could be worse... I could be smoking, again.

If Von Dutch were still alive, I doubt his relatives still would be...

I was flipping the channels the other day, and came across comedian Tracy Morgan on the Ellen DeGeneres Show... He was wearing a Von Dutch "trucker hat" (that reprtedly goes for about 50 bucks in stores, for about two bucks worth of materials)... My thought was does Tracy morgan have a clue who Von Dutch was? Well, for those of you who don't know, Von Dutch was a guy who custom-painted cars back in the '50s... he was also one of the featured artists in CarToons magazine for many years, a magazine that I always dug growing up... Von Dutch was also a raging alcoholic, psychotic racist... He "was not fond of" black people and wasn't afraid to let other people know it, either... He died several years ago, and his family licensed out his name to a line of clothing worn by a bunch of celebrities that can afford to wear the stuff (140 bucks for a pair of jeans is just fucking stupid)... But the whole raging racist thing led me to believe that Tracy pretty much didn't have a clue whose name he had on the hat he was wearing... which just made me sigh and think that he's stupid...
Dutch was also known to have a gun with him wherever he went... If he were still alive, I have a feeling he would use it to shoot everyone in his money-grubbing family...

I is an Uncle...


Say hello to my niece...


Mama-san...

...and the proud papa...



So, now you may all refer to me officially as "Uncle Fucka..."

I thought THIS had to be a joke... but apparently, it's not... it seems that some people in New York want to give pit bull terriers a "makeover" of sorts by giving the breed a new name... New Yorkies... possibly the dumbest idea/name in the known universe... So, for some reason, people thin that changing a breed's name will make others forget about the breed's particular viciousness and such... hmmm...
It really doesn't matter what you call them, they'll still rip your face off in a pinch...

READ ABOUT IT HERE

Holy jeez, is it cold out... -15 degrees F, currently... about -35 degrees F in the mountains across the way... Too cold to do much but stay inside. Now, the 8 inches of snow we got a few days ago is all dried out and makes that horrid squeaky sound when you walk on it... drives me crazy. One of the worst sounds/feels on the planet.