Hmm... wow... what a nice night.
I mean, I was expecting everything to go nicely and stuff... but... it was really cool... Okay... I've known her for a long time... like, a really long time... and we've always been able to talk about absolutely anything... and we usually do. Tonight was no exception, either... but, there was this new thing about her... I don't know... like... "swagger," or something (to use a term that is poorly and far over/misused in today's vernacular). She was always smart (well, she is the only person I know... the ONLY person... from that part of this area that wasn't consumed with getting high and being a general loser), a little shy-ish acting, totally cute, really funny... a good person, all around... but this version... there's still a tiny little hint of that shyness, there (but I don't mean "wallflower" shy, or anything, I'm talking more like "careful who she opens up to" and such)... but it's become a bit more obvious that she's, like, really smart. She's really good at what she does... or what she's learning to do... or whatever. She hasn't aged a day... not a freakin' day... it's crazy... just... gorgeous. And there's this new thing... like, confidence, about her... I wouldn't exactly describe it as confidence nor remote cockiness, but just a sense of a very assured person, heading in a direction that she wants to head, doing the things that she needs to do to get there... Of course, we talked about a hundred different things, like we always do, and everything was really interesting and despite only having had a couple hours of sleep, today, my attention was riveted... 'cause it was all just so interesting. What she's doing for a living is so cool... and it takes a ton of patience, a lot of skill and a lot of fortitude just to even want to take on something that can be... well, incredibly challenging. I know I couldn't do it... as much as I would want to do something like that, I couldn't do it.
It was a great time... I knew it would be. Of course I did. lol Okay, so I didn't play as nervous as I might have been in the first five minutes... I had no reason to be, as would soon become well apparent. Even if I hadn't spent a lot of time with her in the last several years, we still knew a lot more about each other than a lot, if not most other people... I figured we might sit and talk for an hour or so... four hours later, it felt like there was still tons to talk about... but it was always that way. We could sit in the driveway until all hours of the night and just talk about anything that was on our minds and it never got old... ever. Worth every second. It was silly to even be remotely nervous about seeing her again after all this time... we're the same, great people we always were - lol - in some ways, even better... just maybe with a couple grey hairs, now... it was a really great time. I assure you.
Thursday, October 28, 2010
I'm looking forward to tomorrow.
Someone I think is a really great person is coming into town tomorrow. I hope I can work it out where I can see her for a little while. I haven't seen her in a long time... the last time I had a chance to hang out with her, her uncle and I were still very, very close. Her uncle kinda weirded out on the pills and it became increasingly more difficult to hang out with him. I tried, because I wanted to make some good music with... but every time I tried to make it happen, there was always something else of more importance - the ever-maddening quest for pain pills. It became a bit futile to even address the possibility of doing music with him, anymore, because all everyone cared about was getting high... THEN maybe trying to play music, which really is stonewalled when you're under the influence of opium derivatives. The waning of that relationship kind of curtailed my opportunities to hang out with her... and honestly, that sucked... because, as I said, I really like her.
Anyhow, my mom's coming in town for a few days tomorrow, too... but it shouldn't be an issue to hang out with Ma on any other day, y'know? I want to see my friend. I think the last time I saw her was the morning I arrived back in town after moving back from Colorado. I've missed her... probably more than she knows, but that's not important. I need to do what I can to work it out so we can get together, somewhere. Doesn't matter where, doesn't matter what we do... I just want to see her...
Someone I think is a really great person is coming into town tomorrow. I hope I can work it out where I can see her for a little while. I haven't seen her in a long time... the last time I had a chance to hang out with her, her uncle and I were still very, very close. Her uncle kinda weirded out on the pills and it became increasingly more difficult to hang out with him. I tried, because I wanted to make some good music with... but every time I tried to make it happen, there was always something else of more importance - the ever-maddening quest for pain pills. It became a bit futile to even address the possibility of doing music with him, anymore, because all everyone cared about was getting high... THEN maybe trying to play music, which really is stonewalled when you're under the influence of opium derivatives. The waning of that relationship kind of curtailed my opportunities to hang out with her... and honestly, that sucked... because, as I said, I really like her.
Anyhow, my mom's coming in town for a few days tomorrow, too... but it shouldn't be an issue to hang out with Ma on any other day, y'know? I want to see my friend. I think the last time I saw her was the morning I arrived back in town after moving back from Colorado. I've missed her... probably more than she knows, but that's not important. I need to do what I can to work it out so we can get together, somewhere. Doesn't matter where, doesn't matter what we do... I just want to see her...
Randy Quaid thinks that a hit squad killed Heath Ledger, Chris Penn and David Carradine, among others... and are now gunning for him (no pun intended). Despite a release order, he and his wife are currently still being held in Vancouver (where the couple fled, hoping to start a new life).
Poor guy... I guess his wife projected all of her odd paranoia onto him, resulting in what could possibly be defined as a case of folie à deux (shared psychosis).
No one really knows much, other than a strange string of rent-skipping and squatting in the guest house of a home formerly owned by him, but... well, I hope everything works out and he can get some help.
Poor guy... I guess his wife projected all of her odd paranoia onto him, resulting in what could possibly be defined as a case of folie à deux (shared psychosis).
No one really knows much, other than a strange string of rent-skipping and squatting in the guest house of a home formerly owned by him, but... well, I hope everything works out and he can get some help.
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Didn't you hurt yourself?
Couldn't you wash the blood away?
Didn't you love yourself?
Couldn't you see the truth?
Didn't you wake to see the light?
Couldn't you hear the truth?
God, you're so shameless
Stand up to me, I know what you'll say.
God, you're so shameless
Why don't you wake up and stop all the pain?
How could you really know
as your blood flows,
the damage left inside?
If you should ever see
the pain in me,
you'd wish it away.
Didn't you hurt yourself?
Yeah
Didn't you love yourself?
Couldn't you find yourself?
Such a shame it's a waste of life
Couldn't you save yourself?
God, you're so shameless
Why don't you wake up and stop all the pain?
How could you really know
as your blood flows,
the damage left inside?
If you should ever see
the pain in me,
you'd wish it away.
Couldn't you wash the blood away?
Didn't you love yourself?
Couldn't you see the truth?
Didn't you wake to see the light?
Couldn't you hear the truth?
God, you're so shameless
Stand up to me, I know what you'll say.
God, you're so shameless
Why don't you wake up and stop all the pain?
How could you really know
as your blood flows,
the damage left inside?
If you should ever see
the pain in me,
you'd wish it away.
Didn't you hurt yourself?
Yeah
Didn't you love yourself?
Couldn't you find yourself?
Such a shame it's a waste of life
Couldn't you save yourself?
God, you're so shameless
Why don't you wake up and stop all the pain?
How could you really know
as your blood flows,
the damage left inside?
If you should ever see
the pain in me,
you'd wish it away.
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Hate all the blood on my hands
and the sins that bleed from my soul
Take it all away,
make it go away
Stand up for being the last one to control
What you're seeing starts from being the last to know
Stand up for being the last one to control
But what you can't see is being the last one to know
Fade into a dream
Try and save me from myself, now
Save me from myself, now.
Fallen from the world
If I can ever breathe in the air,
maybe then I wouldn't suffocate.
Face all the things that were
real to me, long ago, to save my
Name, I never thought it would
be such a long way to fall
Stand up for being the last one to control
What you're seeing starts from being the last to know
Stand up for being the last one to control
But what you can't see is being the last one to know
Fade into a dream
Try and save me from myself, now
Save me from myself, now.
Fallen from the world
If I can ever breathe in the air,
maybe then I wouldn't suffocate.
Stand up for being the last one to fall...
and the sins that bleed from my soul
Take it all away,
make it go away
Stand up for being the last one to control
What you're seeing starts from being the last to know
Stand up for being the last one to control
But what you can't see is being the last one to know
Fade into a dream
Try and save me from myself, now
Save me from myself, now.
Fallen from the world
If I can ever breathe in the air,
maybe then I wouldn't suffocate.
Face all the things that were
real to me, long ago, to save my
Name, I never thought it would
be such a long way to fall
Stand up for being the last one to control
What you're seeing starts from being the last to know
Stand up for being the last one to control
But what you can't see is being the last one to know
Fade into a dream
Try and save me from myself, now
Save me from myself, now.
Fallen from the world
If I can ever breathe in the air,
maybe then I wouldn't suffocate.
Stand up for being the last one to fall...
Friday, October 15, 2010
Life is so funny... every time you think you have it licked... well, you don't.
I do what I can to try to make my life into what it needs to be... to have the things I deserve... it doesn't always go the way I want it to, but every now and then, something will happen, however large or small, that reminds me that it's all worth it.
I'm in the process of a few "somethings" that should make a HUGE difference in my quality of life... I can't expect all three things to pan out in my favor, immediately... but they can all pan out for me... and they honestly *should*... I deserve it. I've been working hard for a couple of them... and the third thing should just happen because it's one of those things that should be... y'know, "written in the stars" and all that good stuff... lol
Here's to hoping that the hard work pays off... and to not giving up on that which truly matters.
I do what I can to try to make my life into what it needs to be... to have the things I deserve... it doesn't always go the way I want it to, but every now and then, something will happen, however large or small, that reminds me that it's all worth it.
I'm in the process of a few "somethings" that should make a HUGE difference in my quality of life... I can't expect all three things to pan out in my favor, immediately... but they can all pan out for me... and they honestly *should*... I deserve it. I've been working hard for a couple of them... and the third thing should just happen because it's one of those things that should be... y'know, "written in the stars" and all that good stuff... lol
Here's to hoping that the hard work pays off... and to not giving up on that which truly matters.
Friday, October 08, 2010
Tuesday, October 05, 2010
I was thinking... I've been being a little hard on Junkie... I mean, he can't help who he is... well, he most definitely can help it, but... he just makes incredibly shitty choices... but... as much as I can seem so, I'm not completely heartless. I have compassion... but I have a pretty low tolerance for idiocy... especially from adults. A person has to know better... yet...
I've sat and watch people really, really close to me die, far too young, as a result of poor decisions. God knows, I've made plenty of bad choices on any number of topics... luckily, I usually realize my mistakes and do my best to learn from them. Yeah, most people say that, but not as many actually do. Yes... Junkie fucked up. He's let drugs and (not particularly very attractive) girls get the better of his judgment and his obligations to a group of people that need him around. It pissed a lot of people off... and I'm pretty sure that there's a guy I know that really wants to hurt him, now, because he just has to hit on anyone that says hello and smiles at him... friends/boyfriends be damned.
So, putting his inability to decide the best course of action aside, maybe Junkie needs a chance at redemption... but could he succeed? Well... good question. I always try to give people the benefit of the doubt... and it usually always reminds me why I have virtually no faith in humanity. His massive attention-craving, underfed ego... his desire to "conquest" (why he can't choose to pursue a girl who is actually single rather than always having to go after other people's (even his own "friends'") girlfriends)... combined with the desire to always be high will likely be his downfall. I have no idea why I talked Josh out of smearing him all over the pavement a while back... well, I didn't want to see Josh lose his job over something that was more of an issue between him and his (then-)girlfriend... but... I need to weigh the "help vs. harm."
As I've said before, there are times when he's not a bad guy... there are times when he's rather "normal," and tolerable and easy to be around and helpful and all that... but there are a lot of times when he's out of control... and I don't know if needing the good guy in him around is worth the chances of the bad guy showing up in its place.
Ehh... I don't know... maybe I should make a couple calls and hope for the best. Second chances are hard to come by... and I'm not saying he deserves it... but maybe he needs it... and if he blows it, it's his own fault... not anyone else's around him. He can't use his ex-wife or his kid or anything else as an excuse... it's all on him at that point...
Second chances are hard to get... I know if I had a second chance at a couple of things... well... yeah.
I don't know... maybe.
I've sat and watch people really, really close to me die, far too young, as a result of poor decisions. God knows, I've made plenty of bad choices on any number of topics... luckily, I usually realize my mistakes and do my best to learn from them. Yeah, most people say that, but not as many actually do. Yes... Junkie fucked up. He's let drugs and (not particularly very attractive) girls get the better of his judgment and his obligations to a group of people that need him around. It pissed a lot of people off... and I'm pretty sure that there's a guy I know that really wants to hurt him, now, because he just has to hit on anyone that says hello and smiles at him... friends/boyfriends be damned.
So, putting his inability to decide the best course of action aside, maybe Junkie needs a chance at redemption... but could he succeed? Well... good question. I always try to give people the benefit of the doubt... and it usually always reminds me why I have virtually no faith in humanity. His massive attention-craving, underfed ego... his desire to "conquest" (why he can't choose to pursue a girl who is actually single rather than always having to go after other people's (even his own "friends'") girlfriends)... combined with the desire to always be high will likely be his downfall. I have no idea why I talked Josh out of smearing him all over the pavement a while back... well, I didn't want to see Josh lose his job over something that was more of an issue between him and his (then-)girlfriend... but... I need to weigh the "help vs. harm."
As I've said before, there are times when he's not a bad guy... there are times when he's rather "normal," and tolerable and easy to be around and helpful and all that... but there are a lot of times when he's out of control... and I don't know if needing the good guy in him around is worth the chances of the bad guy showing up in its place.
Ehh... I don't know... maybe I should make a couple calls and hope for the best. Second chances are hard to come by... and I'm not saying he deserves it... but maybe he needs it... and if he blows it, it's his own fault... not anyone else's around him. He can't use his ex-wife or his kid or anything else as an excuse... it's all on him at that point...
Second chances are hard to get... I know if I had a second chance at a couple of things... well... yeah.
I don't know... maybe.
Saturday, October 02, 2010
So long, junkie... for now, anyway...
Seems you went and got yourself in a pickle... not unlike the guy you loved to talk trash about, your ol' junkie "pal," Douchey.
Can you talk your way out of this one, this time? Oh, no... no, you can't.
Was it really that hard to just... just behave like an adult for a change?
Yeah, I'm engaging in a little schadenfreude... you deserve it, honestly. You couldn't just play it straight... you had to keep talking your shit about everyone... trying to bang their girlfriends as soon as they weren't around... you had to keep puffing your chest as if every woman in the free world should beg for you and your salmony chinpubes (by the way, the "women should be respected" speech you tried to pitch at Jay while the girlies were listenin'... well, the truth came out a couple seconds later BY YOUR OWN STUPID HAND (or mouth, as it were) and it went over like a fart in church, huh? Next time, maybe just look around and make sure the same girls you're trying to impress aren't standing right behind you before you start referencing their anatomy... dufus) You couldn't keep your habit under any kind of reasonable control (why couldn't you even wait to get off the lot, for cryin' out loud?). It was only a matter of time before you made the slip that would sink the party boat, and... well... look at you, now. Welcome to another page in the book of your goofy life... wasn't worth it, was it?
I'm not going to lie... there were some moments where being around you was just fine... you're not a completely horrible person when you put some effort into it... but maybe that was the problem... you were putting way too much effort into trying to be something you're not. You need to relax and take a deep breath of some really fresh air, sometime... you don't always have to have the biggest dick in the room all the time, y'know?
I'd say, "oops," but you knew what you were getting yourself into... most people do... you just weren't smart enough to get out.
Silly guy.
Seems you went and got yourself in a pickle... not unlike the guy you loved to talk trash about, your ol' junkie "pal," Douchey.
Can you talk your way out of this one, this time? Oh, no... no, you can't.
Was it really that hard to just... just behave like an adult for a change?
Yeah, I'm engaging in a little schadenfreude... you deserve it, honestly. You couldn't just play it straight... you had to keep talking your shit about everyone... trying to bang their girlfriends as soon as they weren't around... you had to keep puffing your chest as if every woman in the free world should beg for you and your salmony chinpubes (by the way, the "women should be respected" speech you tried to pitch at Jay while the girlies were listenin'... well, the truth came out a couple seconds later BY YOUR OWN STUPID HAND (or mouth, as it were) and it went over like a fart in church, huh? Next time, maybe just look around and make sure the same girls you're trying to impress aren't standing right behind you before you start referencing their anatomy... dufus) You couldn't keep your habit under any kind of reasonable control (why couldn't you even wait to get off the lot, for cryin' out loud?). It was only a matter of time before you made the slip that would sink the party boat, and... well... look at you, now. Welcome to another page in the book of your goofy life... wasn't worth it, was it?
I'm not going to lie... there were some moments where being around you was just fine... you're not a completely horrible person when you put some effort into it... but maybe that was the problem... you were putting way too much effort into trying to be something you're not. You need to relax and take a deep breath of some really fresh air, sometime... you don't always have to have the biggest dick in the room all the time, y'know?
I'd say, "oops," but you knew what you were getting yourself into... most people do... you just weren't smart enough to get out.
Silly guy.
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