I lost a friend this week to cancer... it sucked. It still does. It will continue to do so.

She and I didn't always see eye to eye... but we were still friends. One morning a few months ago, she was pretty mad at me for something I did that made her life a little more complicated. In the process, she made me pretty mad, because I didn't think I did anything to cause her to fly off the handle quite like she did... but she did that from time to time; that morning was just my turn, I suppose. It was rather dramatic for a few seconds, but I did everything I could to explain to her what I did and didn't know about the situation and openly admitted where I went wrong (I don't quite have the time to devote to making things perfect for everyone else when I don't even have the time to do what I have to do in the first place). I made things good with her that morning, although she was still a little miffed at me for a little while after that... but we were still friends. It all blew over pretty quickly, actually... her husband liked to give me shit about it, now and then... good-hearted shit, though... and I took it in stride. I've known him since he was pooping on himself, essentially, so it was all good.

The last conversation we had was a really good one... and I was glad for that. She came to me that morning and almost seemed to go out of her way to talk to me about some things. At first, I was a little confused... and totally unprepared for this warm-hearted person standing before me talking about things I never thought she would want to talk to me about, but I understood what was really behind it... we were friends.

I didn't get a chance to say goodbye, it all happened so incredibly fast... and I was out of town during an "official" chance to do so (but I've never been very good at those kinds of things, anyway)... but at least in my heart, I can know that our friendship "ended" on a very good note.

But... it kind of makes me wretch a little on the inside to see all these people that would talk shit about how much of a "bitch" she was turn around and act all "she was so sweet, it's so sad," and all that stuff... hypocrisy at its finest. No, she was not always the nicest person on the planet, but... I don't know... people really confuse me, sometimes. It's just fucked up to watch people be so two-faced all the time. But fuck them... they're idiots, anyway.

I'll miss her smile that sometimes appeared if I could crack just the right joke... and her not-so-bubbly personality that would show itself when the mood struck her... I'll just miss her. I mean, who's going to yell at me when I fuck things up, now? Well, there's a small list of people that wait their turn to do that, anyway... but you know what I'm sayin'.