Some people have no "filter," whatsoever... Junkie Fiend at work is possibly one of the funniest people I've ever met - and by "funny," I mean "absolutely pathetic." First he brags to people that he's high at work. Then, he tries to sell drugs to people at work. Then he creates a stink over an absolutely ridiculous, harmless comment and threatens to sue people and the company. Of course, all the while, he makes some of the rudest sexual remarks about customers, employees, whomever may come within eyeshot (not much different than his former coworker junkie buttbuddy, "Douchy"). Then, after he is robbed, tells people that he thinks people at work are behind it... when in all actuality, he likely set it up, himself. After bragging to everyone about all this money he was getting back on his taxes, the IRS proceeded to bend him over a table and insert a ballbat, and it's his own, non-payin'-attention-to-things-ass fault. So instead of getting back a bunch of money, he nearly owes... throw in the fact that he's into a couple people for some pretty good money because of his drug habit (which that tax refund would have went a long way in repaying)... and when asked about his automobile having a car alarm, he "never heard it" (he told the investigators that it didn't go off, incidentally, and that his "best friend" just happened to drive by (a totally out-of-the-way location to either point a or b that he told cops he was coming from/going to) at five in the morning and just thought he had left his window rolled down... in 25 degree weather in the middle of Winter). Being as it is, in fact, an incredibly state-of-the-art alarm system, it's hard to believe that it just didn't go off and/or that he or someone else didn't hear it when it did. The thieves couldn't disable the alarm and they did enter the vehicle. That all goes a long way in equaling a setup. Braggin' about money + expecting money + "oops, no money" + drug debts = desperation.

Guy is really unable to control the things that come out of his mouth... about a lot of things... and manages to just... not think things through, at all... one day, a co-worker/customer/boyfriend of a girl he just totally verbally sexually assaulted/drug dealer/etc. is going to beat the living snot out of him... and I doubt I'll remotely care.

Life has twists and turns... and some of them can be pretty harrowing.

Some of them can be rather pleasantly surprising, though...

so, here's to 1974... for bringing someone into a very young life that would help remind them often through time that they're not someone to be walked on like a doormat, or used to someone else's gain... they're not just a number to be counted on fingers.

So yeah, maybe I've been too hard on myself... and not nearly hard enough on those deserving.

If I can keep it in check, it will be okay... but if I can't... and the tiny demons start pulling their shit like they used to... not going to be pretty... not like I'll care, or anything, but still.

...but in this moment, I am happy.

Sometimes, y'just gotta grab that bandage and... one yank... right off!

Yeah, it stung a little bit... but it's best to just let it breathe, now.

I'm not completely heartless... but I don't care about most people... and I certainly don't care about how most people feel about me - and if I don't care, one stands an extremely slim chance of making me... and if I can't find find something in someone to care about, that's not my problem.

But it's done...

I slept like a baby for the first time in a few weeks.

...and it feels good. No... it actually feels great.

...A whisper in my ear. Not even a sound; just the slight sense of someone speaking your name, almost heard, somewhere nearby. Very near, perhaps getting closer. No words at all, just a dry rustle of not-voice, a tone off-tone, a thought on a breath. My face felt hot and I could suddenly hear myself breathing. The voice came again, a soft sound dropped on the outer edge of my ear. I turned, even though I knew no one was there and it was not my ear but my dear friend inside, kicked into consciousness by who knows what...

My friend in the nursing home is, along with all the things that have him there in the first place, suffering from pancreatitis, now... this is just complete shit. I hate this for him... and I hate this for his family and everyone around him.

A forty year-old man should not be in a nursing home, dying of liver failure... a fucking nursing home... at forty. When we were twenty, yeah, we had our fun... we drank, we smoked... we had a lot of good times to be remembered and recalled... and then, he got into the coke... and he changed... and I didn't want to hang around him, anymore... because he wasn't a fun guy... and the coke led to other things... and insane amounts of alcohol on top of things that were already really hard on your liver... and now he's forty, and in a fucking nursing home... a place for people more than twice his age... and he's not going to leave... he's not going to get better... he is going to die, there. It makes me... really sad. I almost can't believe it... but I have to believe it... because it's a fact... a horrible fact.