My friend Smelly ("because she stinks") was telling me about how she finally confronted Douchey about the lies he's spreading about her (he has been telling everyone that she was "his girl")... he asked, "Is that so wrong?" to which she sat and laughed in his face (she told me later that she told him where to shove it, in no uncertain terms - she seemed almost excited about it, which I guess made it that much funnier)... I wondered why he was acting a little pissier than usual. I guess he didn't take it too well. Then later on, for whatever reason, he asked me if I was mad at him... and I said, "I don't know... am I?" (I mean, I had been doing nothing but generally ignoring him all night, per usual.) So he says, "Is it about bumming all those cigarettes?" to which I replied, "Trust me, I couldn't give two shits about cigarettes. (I'm actually in the process of quitting, finally.) It doesn't have anything to do with cigarettes." And he was just like, "Okay," and walked off, as if the words "it doesn't have anything to do with" didn't even take form in his mildly-retarded brain. It was almost classic. Later, he got all... I don't know... half-redneck about it (it must have sunk in a couple hours later)... and I flat out told him he was worthless and he really needs to check himself before he starts talking shit about people that aren't around to defend themselves to try to make himself look good because it makes him look pathetic, and he never knows who might step up and what will happen when they do... fair warning... fair enough, anyhow... he has no idea.

Then he goes and runs his mouth to his little junkie fiend kissass buddy who probably talks more shit about him than anyone (who isn't a whole lot better than him, honestly, but at least he can form complete sentences), who then finds me and tells me what he said (part of that whole "kissass" thing, I guess). See, Douchey's one of those... y'know... it's never "him" when a girl spurns his advances, it's always "them." They're the "cunts," or the "dirtybutts," or the "sluts," or whatever (if they're so trashy, then why aren't they sluttin' around with you, son?)... it couldn't ever be the fact that he's just a great big walking douche... but, y'know, according to him, she's the one that's been trying to get with him... and all the other girls at the store are trying to hook up with him... not the other way around... because he has a girlfriend - no wait, a fiance... that, incidentally, lives with her ex-husband, now, soooo... yeah... yet, everyone in the store can openly watch him endlessly hitting on all the girls... and customers... it's sad, but not so much. The best one, so far, is probably him hitting on the lesbian... granted, a very attractive lesbian, but nonetheless. Oh, but to hear him tell it... lol.

Next day, Smelly said that she was tired of him stalking her. Oh, yeah... did I leave that part out? Not only does he stalk his exes, but he stalks potential exes, too... knows where she lives, her number (she said she had some hangup calls the last few weeks, go figure), all that good stuff... a piece of work. But she's leaving the area, basically immediately, and taking her son, because she wants to feel safer. I think it's sad that people get so affected by things like that that they want to leave... but so be it.

Southern Ohio... Yeeha! Everyday I'm back here, I keep remembering more and more why I left... but this kind of shit is everywhere, in all places... it's just the lack of anything else going on around here that maybe makes it a little more dominant.

I grow weary of the petty bullshit... from every direction, everywhere I turn... especially from people that try to act like they're a "man." I'm sure when he started working there and tried to start his thing, she handled him like the wonderfully super-witty, sarcastic person she is and made him look like a fool (but I'm sure that he isn't remotely smart enough to have perceived it)... which isn't that hard, really... and it's not like I could blame him or the other guys that started working there for hitting on her (and there were many) - I mean, she's beautiful... granted, most will never see "depth" like I do, and will merely have to see her as nothing but a physical form. But, I mean... she worked there for quite a while before we ever spoke... sure, I saw her, all the time, but I wasn't some little uncontrollable puppy that just had to pee on the rug, right then - she never even remotely acknowledged my existence (hmm... kinda like now, go figure - a vicious little circle) - and I had no reason to ever think that she ever would (or should, even) - she was way beyond me, from the beginning... I do not know why she ever bothered to speak in the first place... and I guess I never will; I never got the chance to ask. I know how guys work, though, and I know why they were attracted to her - and it's not like I didn't hear about it all the time from the horde of cavedwellers... which is somewhat pathetic but understandable, I suppose... but I mean, the last thing I ever saw when I saw her, the last thing I thought about or considered was boobs (well, okay the last thing I ever thought about probably was her feet... because feet are gross... yet somehow, hers were even pretty nice... for feet) - truth be told, not a big fan, in general, and certainly not important when considering the whole (and especially her). I mean yeah, her body's really nice, but it was this whole... "thing..." I dunno... her shoulders (I always thought she had amazing shoulders... and I could never explain why it if I tried, just the shape of them and how they framed everything else)... and how they formed her neck... and how her hips gave way to her legs and the shape of her calves and... and, well, all kinds of stuff that people just don't care about, I guess... a wonderfully put-together package... and once we got to know each other, her intellect and her humor and everything else only made the physical that much more gorgeous... ... but... I genuinely dislike him so much, now... he had to go and push the wrong buttons... and in all his lack of faculties (and trust me, boy lacks some serious faculties), it kinda feels like he's been spreading shit about her to make sure I'll find out about it.

It's really kind of... weird. I keep telling myself it's no big deal... and it isn't. It's not. Yet, it hurts to see people act like that towards her... I care... things like that matter to me... maybe more than the people who care matter to her, in the end... but still, I can't fight the will to defend her. She doesn't deserve that kind of shit... especially when she's not even around to set it straight, herself.

Fuck... WHY am I rambling on about it, all? I spent half a page talking about things that don't matter... I don't matter... it does not matter, anymore... she saw to that. Yet, no matter how much it shouldn't matter...

I'm going to end that mess... I'm tired of having to even bother with feeling anything about it... any of it... anything, at all... one way or the other. I'll just go back to pretending. It's much easier.

"Perhaps because I'll never be one, humans are interesting to me."
Morgan... here I come.