...and so I get to say goodbye to yet another close friend... at the hands of something they were sure they had "control" of... as so many will say... and they otherwise. I do know people that have beat it... it's not as difficult as people can make it on themselves... and they'll be the first to tell you how sad and how easy it was to get dragged into it... but I know a lot more people, anymore, who weren't able to beat it. And this time is no different then the last... I run the same gambit... I am shocked... I am angry... and then I am sad. It's so incredibly pointless, the things that people will put themselves through... chasing something they'll never catch... or chasing away something they think they can't handle. I've talked to people after things like this happen, only to watch them become the next victim. They will say I am their friend... and the things we talk about matter to them... but in the end, I am nothing to them. Nothing I think, feel or say will ever matter... no matter how much it should or I wish it did... not that I should be the one that matters... it seems they don't even matter to themselves.
So go crush up your high-test pharmaceutical synthetic heroin... sniff yourselves into oblivion... "honor" your fallen friends... sniff away your pain, your trouble... your dignity. Join your friends as maggot feed far too early... too much is never enough, right? You won't be the last... you prove it over and over and over. You watch them die and you do nothing... feel bad for the briefest of moments... and then hatch your next "brilliant" schemes to score without having to sell your neglected children.
Have you lived your entire lives without understanding the concept of consequence? You should be so lucky to have handcuffs slapped on you in your fucked up desires to not face yourselves. I'm sure it's better than being murdered for a few tiny pills... dying for an hour or two of mind-dulling that you perceive as "pleasure." You'll kill yourselves rather than stand up on your own two feet and face your troubles.
When are you going to wake up? Can you do it before it's too late? Do you even care if you do? Every time this happens, I learn... you won't... you can't... you don't.
...and so I get to say goodbye to another close friend... I'm sorry we won't get to hug after a great show, or talk about the new music I will try to make, or talk about your dream house... I'm sorry the care I had for you didn't matter, in the end... I'm sorry the last six or seven funerals we had to go to didn't change your mind... I wanted you to be around to hold my newborn son or daughter, whenever that day will come... but the care I had didn't matter... and so I have to say goodbye...
again.
