sleep?

I was watching a movie and somehow managed to nod off... I figure the last couple months of three-hours-of-sleep nights probably warranted actually being able to nap for a couple hours, at some point - tonight must've been the night. I don't remember dreaming anything... then again, I can't remember much of anything in a while. I am startled awake by knocking at the front door... there's only one person who could possibly know that I'm here, and I'm relatively certain it's not her... besides, the door is unlocked; she's never had to knock, once... she knows that... but still, my heart is rhythmically trying to punch its way out of my chest at the possibility. Could it be? I sit up; my senses are starting to reconnect from the brief reprieve from the world. My heart pounds harder and harder. There's no way in Hell it would be her on a weekend evening... never... but still, my heart in its attempt to leap from my body is trying to tell me that it might be her; who else could it possibly be? I feel my body becoming cold; a rather familiar cold... What are you going to say to her, Tony? No... don't say anything... just look... look and be thankful that you can. Saying anything will only waste time better spent just looking... As my senses gather, I catch a glance at the movie playing on the laptop... and see the old woman moving across the floor to... answer her door... Shit... It was just the movie... it was just the movie... My heart doesn't stop pounding for probably five minutes as the realization that she's not at the door sinks in, deeper and deeper. I want to be sad... but I am not. I just... "am."

4:05am - on any Saturday night, 4:05am would be right around the time she would be pulling up out front of my place... to share twenty minutes or so with me... I really loved that. Now, at 4:10am on this Saturday night, I am... alone... and awake... wishing I had twenty minutes...

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]