Someone asked me about the "psychic vampire" reference on my myspace bio-thing. They weren't the first... probably won't be the last... but, so, I guess I should probably clarify it.
I've done a small bit of research on the subject and could really only come up with goofy, occult-y, lame shit. No, I do not literally see myself as a "vampire" that stalks prey, trying to live forever... or maybe I do... I'm not so sure, anymore. I guess what I mean is I am not some weirdo from a bad movie that's out to get you when you least expect it, or whatever... and I'm not trying to suck the life out of you...
...but I do feed off of your energy...
According to the things I've seen, it would appear I fall somewhere in between an emotional and, most recently, a sexual variety.
I feed off of your emotions, but only a few of them; the others are of no use to me, at all... at least for most of you; there is a proverbial rare exception that can give me life through all emotion, good and bad, happy or sad... I love the way people can make me feel... and I loathe the way they can make me feel the very next minute; from the closest of friends to a perfect stranger... all capable of becoming "victims."
A part of me can't help but want to punish the people that live only to serve themselves and have no consideration of what their actions do to the lives of those around them and those they choose to bring into their world. That dark part wants to steal that selfish desire from them and make it into my own and use it to watch them squirm.
I don't want to be this way; I certainly didn't ask for it. It's just the way it's always been... and I usually pay a price for it all, no matter what. It's okay, though. If that's how it has to be for me to continue to exist as the person I am, then so be it. I don't want to "take" anything from those except those who deserve to have it taken from them... Only in the rarest of situations will I ever "choose" to let it happen.
I only recently came to terms with the sexual/tantric element. Every sigh, kiss, touch... every breath... gave me energy... power, the likes I've never known. To touch... and watch what the touch was capable of producing, within us both... To taste... and know the flavors of ecstasy; I could live forever on those flavors. Y'never know... I might, still.
The more I looked into it, the more I realize when you throw out all the occult garbage and the silliness of the people that take it all so literally and, like, "seriously..." I see that I am an amalgam of most of the types that they put forth... I am karmic and dharmic... pranic and tantric... elemental, sexual, emotional... I don't want to drain you of your life's energy; I want to bathe in it and experience what it is to be alive. In the end, I want a little piece of all of you (and a much bigger piece of very, very few of you)... all for myself.
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