This time of year drives me crazy... I wish I understood it... Well... I do understand it, but I wish I understood it better, I guess... I have very much of a love/hate relationship with the holiday season. I love the memories I have of being (a lot) younger and all the fun I had with my family... and I guess I hate it because so much of that family is gone... I mean, yeah, my brother and my mother are both still alive and all that... but I haven't seen my mother since my dad's wake, about three and a half year ago. My brother may come around for Christmas, this year... I've only ever seen my almost three year-old niece once and that was for about 20 minutes... Hell, I don't know... I don't get presents, anymore (I usually end up buying myself something small for Christmas every year and that's about it)... I think one of my friends is coming up for Christmas (one of my best friends in the world, whose wedding I wasn't even invited to).

I swear, I'm not a grinch... I really love the idea of Christmas... I find myself looking forward to it, every year (only to be kinda slapped in the face a little by the reality of the situation)... I have fun, whatever I'm doing... even when I'm working my ass off... but damnit... come on, already.