If TV Rots Your Brain, Then Why am I Still Here?

I don't make any beef about the fact that I love television... I don't watch as much as I used to due to the fact that today's TV pretty much sucks, anymore... I mean, yeah, the first three seasons of Friends were good... watchable. Starting about season four, it sucked and I wasn't able to make myself watch it anymore... I mean, I think it was the whole thing of trying to hook everyone on the show up with one of the other characters - the show become more about everyone's love life and less about being, y'know, "friends." It just made the show blow...

Anything on nowadays that's any good is a miracle...

I fell asleep pretty early last night... which means I woke up way too early for my own good... which left me with not much to do but... yeah, watch some television... At some point, around eleven or so, the first installment of The Lord of the Rings came on... I hadn't seen any of them outside of a movie theatre, so I decided to give it a whirl... Much to my surprise, the full-screen version of the movie on a television screen really sucks... It looked so cheap, I kept questioning myself as to if I was even watching the high-budget "masterpiece" or some goofy '80s movie like Kull the Conqueror, or something... Very unimpressive...

Several clicks of the remote later, and I found myself somehow watching some show on Mtv (as some of you may know, I think Mtv is the bestest channel in the world... ... ... ...for me to poop on) called Super Sweet Sixteen... at least I think that was the name of it... The fact that I stopped on the channel for more than a nanosecond is a complete mystery, but the fact that I kept watching for the next twenty minutes is probably even more so... The premise of the show is that Mtv follows girls around as they prepare for a lavish sweet sixteen party... So these two TOTALLY SPOILED little brat girls that talk to their parents like they are their servants were going to have their party together at the Hard Rock Cafe (I'm assuming in L.A. because at one point, Paulie Shore kinda crashes the party)... and they're trying to figure out who they want to get for entertainment... So they're going through a list from one of the big talent agencies... and they're all like "Man if we could get Jay-Z and Beyonce, that would be awesome..." If you're contemplating getting Jay-Z or Beyonce to work your sweet sixteen party, well, firstoff you're an idiot... but probably the child of a really rich idiot... They go on and it's like, "Beyonce said she'd do it, but she wants a half a million dollars." FIRST OF ALL, there's no way in HELL that anything that Beyonce has or will ever do, anywhere, anytime, is worth a half million dollars... unless it is maybe leaving show business... forever... The girl's mom is like, "Well there's nothing on the planet your father can't get done..." ... If your dad blows a half million on Beyonce's sorry ass to sing at your sweet sixteen party... well... that's, like, new levels of idiocy... It turns out that they ended up getting Unwritten Law (pop punk band washed up after about five seconds in the spotlight... wait.... were they ever in the spotlight?), assumingly for much less that a half mil... In the end, spoiled little rich girl #2 just wants to go home and all that spoiled rotten rich kid crap... totally unappreciative of the effort that was taken on to throw her a "bitchin' party."

So, crap like that is what passes for television nowadays, huh? Everytime I forget how bad tv is nowadays, channels like Mtv are always around to remind me... I mean, they have the "let's all be alcoholic" show in The Real World... well... there's so many bad shows on Mtv, I couldn't begin to list them all, here... I'm just so glad that quality programming like The Ashlee Simpson Show will be returning to Mtv what, tomorrow night? Hooray!!! ;)

I have a prediction for Ashlee's show - they will feature the Saturday Night Live fiasco in an episode... and they will re-shoot a bunch of stuff and place it in the episode all sneaky-like to make it look like she really had some kind of acid reflux problem (which, lemme tell you, acid reflux is a muthafucka... I know, all too well... I have, though, never lost the ability to speak or sing whilst in a bout of it... I gag my brains out and stuff, but I seem to speak and sing okay, anyway)...

Dear *****,

I really like you. You are always nice to me.
You have the prettiest eyes. I like them a lot.
I am kinda sad when you are not around. I don't understand it. Maybe I am just kinda sad always and you are just not around to cheer me up. Or maybe I am just kinda sad because I miss you not being around. It's okay though, sorta, because I always try to keep you with me, even if you can't be.
My big brother says girls are mean and will do nothing but tear your heart out of your chest and stomp it to mush as if it were worthless, leaving only a huge gaping wound of despair. I sure hope he is wrong. He's wrong about a lot of stuff.
I was kinda hoping that maybe you might want to be my girlfriend, cuz I sure would like to be your boyfriend.
What do you think?

____ Yes ____ No

If yes, then maybe we can meet at the picnic tables by the rocket slide at the park after school... I really would like to hold your hand. I bet it is soft.
If no, that's okay. You'll still be pretty to me and I will still like you. And I will still be your partner for science class, too, cuz I know you don't like to touch the dead smelly fish we are learning about.

See you after lunch,
******

p.s. - don't show this note to anyone or tell any of your friends about it, cuz I don't want them to make fun of me.
p.p.s. - you are very pretty