The wait is over.
Things get more difficult... but it's all for the better.

I so do not enjoy being sick... not that anyone would... but... wow, has this been a bad one. And to think I've been crazy enough to work through it... "crazy" is the word for it. This is the first day in over a week where I didn't come home from work and jump straight into bed and hack my brains out for several hours... but I'm still going to go to bed, now... because it's much warmer and comfier there than sitting here in front of this thing.

Bleh.
BLEH...

I

There are those that say that I should be angry... in fact, there are a lot of those... not that I've sat and talked to a lot of people about it... I haven't... but many people seem to know the story. Many have a similar story that they can tell without having to expose mine... and save two people, no one has heard the real story from my lips... but their natural reaction is anger... and I guess I can understand that... from them... but that's not how I feel about it. Nothing hurts quite like losing something that matters... you may not have always handled it in the best way, but you know what it meant to you to be a part of. You can't always see over the walls, but you know the things you did mattered... every little thing. Every breath in their presence was a breath of life you couldn't know without them.

Am I hurt? Who wouldn't be? Am I angry? As much as others would try to persuade me that it's the right way to feel... I'm not. I know what it was like to beat a pretty intense demon with their help... albeit too late to have made things more proper between us... but... I owe them better of me than to ever be angry about things. I was lucky... luckier than most could ever be. Whatever their reasons for feeling the way they feel about me now... so be it, I suppose. Perhaps I'll have to live with never knowing...